OT: NASA Launches First-Ever Faith-Based Space Program
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stoney sto...@the.net
http://www.avantnews.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=212 NASA Launches First-Ever Faith-Based Space Program Temporally realigned by admin on 2005/12/16 12:34:35 (136 reads) By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor Washington, D.C., April 19, 2010 NASA, the United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today the launch of the first-ever faith-based space program. The project, working-titled "In God We Thrust", will develop and launch a range of orbital, lunar, and interplanetary space vehicles using entirely faith-based methods of engineering, aeronautics, electronics and astrophysics. The launch of the first NASA mission developed under the In God We Thrust program, a geostationary sublime reflector, is scheduled for early 2013.
"We have a lot of faith in the new procedures," said Dr. Helmer Mountebank, NASA's public relations officer, "and, God willing, the mission will be an stellar success." The impetus for NASA to make the switch from rational to faith-based engineering and aeronautics, Dr. Mountebank explained, grew largely out of the astonishing success of faith-based "intelligent design" doctrine in replacing the theory of evolution in the early years of this decade.
"We saw how rapidly and effortlessly the acceptance of purely faith-based precepts replaced centuries of genuine scientific inquiry," said Dr. Mountebank, "but more importantly, we saw how government and private funding sources for faith-based work were exploding like a supernova at the same time that they were as dry as the Sea of Tranquility for secular engineering and astrophysics projects. It was a simple issue of Darwinian pragmatism??”survival of the fittest. Right now, the fittest is faith-based, so we at NASA really have no choice." According to former top-ranking NASA officials who requested to remain anonymous, the decision to move to faith-based space exploration was also shepherded along to a large extent by the forced attrition of long-standing key secular members of the NASA staff, and their replacement with individuals from the ranks of the "theologically pure" as defined by a Christian fundamentalist president, cabinet, and congress.
"I don't know a single person on NASA staff who hasn't been born again at least once," said Dr. Mountebank. He elaborated that the word "faith" in the term "faith-based" is meant to signify Christian beliefs.
"We're a Christian nation, after all, so NASA's faith-based In God We Thrust space program will of course also be designed in accordance with Christian teachings. It's just logic," he said NASA engineers will be basing their rocket and capsule design and space flight calculations on a Christian view of the shape, size and age of the universe as detailed in the Bible, the primary reference work for faith-based scientific initiatives.
"We're finding a little trouble with a couple of basic ***umptions, including what turns out to be, when we looked it up in NASA's Biblioteca Apostolica, the extremely young age of the universe. Given what we know about the speed of light, this results in some confusion regarding the possible distance of celestial bodies such as stars and planets, many of which now appear to be filling overlapping regions of space. We've also had some issues with the shape of planetary orbits, which we're now ***uming to be perfect circles, and the fact that we'll now have to calculate based on a heliocentric rather than a geocentric model," said Dr. Mountebank.
"But I think we'll work it all out before NASA launches our first manned mission," he continued. "If there are any blanks, we pray God will fill them in." ?© 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only.
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Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme Court who will ensure church and state are joined at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
johac jhachm...@sbcglobal.com
I suppose that now instead of building all of those expensive rockets, next time they want to launch a satellite they'll just pray to GAWD to send a crew of angels to haul it into orbit for them.
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John Hachmann aa #1782 "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" -Voltaire Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
"Panama Floyd" panamaf...@aol.com
Hiya stoney! Good one, man. A follow-up from EAC Vid-S HQ (ntie,oc): if these spy activities had actually happened, they would have been filmed from actual black helicopters.
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/298/ http://www.fotosearch.com/CRT801/001236cf/ http://www.fotosearch.com/CRT801/001229cf/ Ah, going as planned muahahahah..
Panama Floyd, Atl.
aa#2015, Member Knights of BAAWA!
"..the prayer cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next."
-Mark Twain Religious societies are *less* moral than secular ones: http://moses.creighton.edu/JRS/2005/2005-11.html Numbers of people discarding religion on the rise in the US: http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=163 http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/3344680/detail.html http://www.religioustolerance.org/amer_intol.htm
stoney sto...@the.net
Of course. You did read the bottom disclaimer?
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Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme Court who will ensure church and state are joined at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
stoney sto...@the.net
Thank you. Haven't seen you around in awhile, hope things are going smoothly.
Indeed. (VEG)
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Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme Court who will ensure church and state are joined at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
johac jhachm...@sbcglobal.com
Yeah. Just being a wise*** as usual. :-)
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John Hachmann aa #1782 "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" -Voltaire Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
"codebrea ...@bigsecret.com" <Codebrea
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOL God haters reasonning is amazing
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