quick, present help
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"Stephanie S" st...@vsac.orgnospam
Hi. DH has been on a business trip all week. I miss him a bunch. I want to get him a present. (In addition to the non material ones which come immediately to mind.) As a generalization (here you go Bill) do men like this? Or care? If so, what is a nice, not too expensive gift? He would be overjoyed if I got him a pool table. But that is not in the budget. :) Birthday and Christmas are easy because you can get practical gifts. But does it make sense to get something practical for a - Gee I missed you -
present? Some people say guys just don't care about presents. I have actually never given him a present like this before. So I do not even know if he would or woudn't. Maybe I should just stick to the non material.
What do you think?
S
"barbwireandlace" barbwireandl...@hotmail.com
Well, I'm not a guy. :-) Dh likes surprises, but he seems to really enjoy the little things that are ***ociated with home when he has been gone.
I'll tell you things that I do, and maybe it will give you a hint you can take from your own life.
A big bowl of cookie dough that he can eat. It's one thing we do together, and enjoy eating in the middle of the night when the kids are asleep.
That old football jersey, that has holes and stains that he use to wear in school. Yeah that one! The one you want to throw away when he is gone. Wear it, and greet him at the door when he comes home.
Have his favorite drink and cigar ready, and sit on his lap while he tells you how much he missed you.
Favorite dinner ready for him.
This seems really weird but, I move the furniture around in our bedroom. It seems to change the atmosphere for the first couple days.
Ok, some things I learned not to do.....
Don't wash his favorite car when he is gone for a surprise, he doesn't like other people washing his car.
Don't try and throw the old football jersey away while he is gone, he will get it out of the trash when he gets home.
Don't forget that he was coming home on "that" day, and tell him you forgot, lol.
momalot
"Kali" n...@yahoo.com
I can't think of anyone I've ever met of either gender who didn't appreciate getting a thoughtful gift. You could stick to something simple like getting him some flowers (yes men like flowers too) if money is tight.
"Stephanie S" st...@vsac.orgnospam
Perfect. I almost did not read any further!
"Bill in Co" n...@earthlink.net
I don't think I can make this generalization.
I made a statement about wives wanting to change (read as: improve) their husbands a bit, especially in the social arena - is this what this is all about? Are you STILL going to tell me you don't believe this? If you do, I don't believe you - I think you are living in denial. So there! :-)
"Stephanie S" st...@vsac.orgnospam
I am not trying to change my husband! I am trying to get him a present.
OK OK if I answer that generalization are sometimes justifiable, will you answer the question?
S
"Bill in Co" n...@earthlink.net
Only if you get on your hands and knees, and beg forgiveness! :-)
Tracey rbranch...@aol.com
>What do you think?
While most of the men I know wouldn't think twice if their wives/SOs didn't buy them a 'Welcome Home' present, I believe they like it okay when they do. If you're not able to think of something that your DH would *really* like, how about just planning a dinner of his favorite foods or his favorite dessert or take him out to his favorite restaurant? When my husband's been gone, he seems to really appreciate it when I make his favorite meal.
Tracey
"Stephanie S" st...@vsac.orgnospam
NEVER! :)
Seeker anon-30...@anon.twwells.com
My wife never gave me any presents when I returned from a long business trip -- except to hand me the kids. So I figure anything you come up with would do just fine!
Ted
"Stephanie S" st...@vsac.orgnospam
We have a two year old only. He is pretty easy to deal with these days. So I do not feel desparate to hand him over. Then again, I am not a full time SAHM!
S
m ...@earthlink.net (Emma Anne)
My DH usually gets a back/neck m***age (non-material but very necessary after riding in airplanes).
Seeker anon-30...@anon.twwells.com
Our oldest is ADHD -- but we weren't told that until he was 5 or 6 (the pediatrician just casually remarked once, "he's hyperactive, you know.") Not bad enough to be medicated (the ped did suggest giving him coffee now and then) but a definite handful. The younger one (both boys) was just busy. I rarely went on trips more than two or three days, but I did travel a couple of times a month at probably just the worst time. Yes, she was a SAHM -- her choice, she says, but probably not entirely a rational one -- she probably remembered too much what it was like with her mother being a divorced & unremarried working mother.
Ted
J. Brian Chamberlin jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com
I suppose this is the age of initials! All of our kids are something or another. Man it drives me crazy. I think most kids are hyper. Now we just have to cl***ify it as something to make it understandable.
Boys are aggressive yet more and more each year are thrown on Ritalin to control their behavior. I doubt it will happen, but hopefully we'll be able to look back on this age one day and shake our heads in shame. Instead of educating ourselves on the human mind and how it works, we'll just drug everyone to make them the same. What a bunch of horse shit.
--Brian
Dr Nancy's Sweetie kil...@elvis.rowan.edu
My usual suggestion for situations like this (or just "got you a present for no reason") is to either: 1) Arrange for some favorite thing which you haven't done lately.
or 2) Take care of something which needs doing and just hasn't gotten done.
For an example of the first, if you know he likes cookies, have cookies in progress when he gets home. All cookies are better as batter than they are cooked, so you don't want to have them complete. I don't know anyone who would object if they came home to the smell of cookies baking. Or if you know something he loves to eat but you haven't made lately because it's complex, or time consuming, or whatever (such as beef stroganoff over rice pilaf, or a dish calling for glace de viande, or something like that), having that ready for dinner might be a good choice. For coming back from a trip, you probably want to do homey stuff, but for other situations you might arrange to leave the kids with a sitter and and do some favorite thing (baseball game, helicopter ride, something like that).
Another good choice is something he wants to try but never did. I know a guy whose wife got him a weekend at a race driving school, with two days of practice and lessons and analysis of videos of his runs around the track. His final lap around the track was at something like 149mph (much faster than he'd started at). He was *ecstatic* that she would have thought of such a thing. (This was a bit pricey, though.) For the second, just walk around your home and look for something that he's complained about once in a while but somehow nobody has ever gotten around to taking care of. Squeaky hinge, drippy faucet, peeling wallpaper, kitchen drawer full of dull knives, can't find anything in the closet because it's full of clothes nobody's worn in a year, or something like that. (IMPORTANT: do not throw away clothes just because they haven't been worn. Relocate them to another closet, or something.) Surely you can think of something that's a low-level bother: it's never urgent, so it never gets done, but it is an annoyance.
One guy I know came home to find his wife had "spring cleaned" the living room. All the furniture had been pulled away from the walls and vacuumed under/behind, the curtains had been washed, the windows cleaned, the windowsills and pictures and frames vacuumed, the plants repotted and dusted, the clutter removed, the three-year old catalogues removed from the magazine rack and the current issues of magazines neatly in place in chronological order. The drawers had been cleaned out, all the pencils sharpened, and a dozen fresh ones were in the table next to the chair where he worked on crossword puzzles. He was *amazed*, and reported that the place looked 10 times better than it had when he'd left two weeks earlier.
This might be a good choice, since someone who's been away and wants to come home can usually stand home being a bit better than it was when he (or she!) left.
This post might be of no use to you for this trip, but perhaps you could make a list of everything that gets on your husband's nerves for a few weeks, and the next time he goes on a trip try to fix as many of them as possible before he gets back.
ANYWAY, the point is that you should think first about the person you want to give something to, and give them something designed just for them. Such a personal touch is vastly more important than monetary outlay.
Darren Provine ! kil...@elvis.rowan.edu ! http://www.rowan.edu/~kilroy "My Imperial Master, the Emperor the haut Fletchir Giaja, reminds me that true delicacy in the giving of gifts considers the tastes of the recipient." -- Ghem-General Dag Benin, _Diplomatic Immunity_
m ...@earthlink.net (Emma Anne)
This just proves that you are completely clueless about ADHD. The hyperactivity (or inattentiveness) has to be maladaptive, and causing problems in at least two areas of the person's life. If it's what every kid has, it isn't ADHD.
Really. Then you should have no trouble providing some evidence that this is the case (hint - it isn't). Another hint - not just boys have ADHD. Not just kids even. Third hint - the meds aren't used to "control their behavior" and they don't. Stimulants let the ADDer concentrate on what *they* choose to concentrate on. Most kids don't really enjoy getting into trouble constantly, so at least the hyperactive ones often *do* behave better - because they choose to. The inattentive ones usually aren't a behavior problem to begin with.
God, you are an ***hole. I devoutly hope your kids never have problems, since it's obvious you'd rather see them miserable and failing then get them some help.
Tracey rbranch...@aol.com
>Third hint - the meds aren't used to "control their >behavior" and they don't.
They sure haven't changed our daughter's behavior.
She still talks a lot, she still has more energy than the other three of us put together, she still can drive you crazy as a loon. The *only* difference is that now she can do schoolwork in an appropriate amount of time instead of never getting a recess because she didn't get work done and spending 3 to 5 hours a night on work that should take 20 minutes max.
Tracey
m ...@earthlink.net (Emma Anne)
That's great. I'm happy for her.
Tracey rbranch...@aol.com
>That's great. I'm happy for her.
Thanks, we are, too. I knew that we had made the right decision when the first day she was taking her meds, she had a substitute teacher. I had asked the teacher to please write me a note at the end of the day to tell me how she had behaved and how she did at her work. The teacher said that she had a few problems with talking too much, and a few problems with her not wanting to take directions, but that she had completed all of her work in the time allotted.
I knew then that her basic personality was intact. LOL Tracey
whans ...@aol.com (WhansaMi)
My daughter has ADD without hyperactivity. My doctor and her dad wanted to put her on meds for over a year before I allowed it. I fully admit it---I was wrong. Since going on the meds, her confidence has increased. Like your daughter, Tracey, she is able to get her homework done in a reasonable amount of time, instead of having to sit for hours on end trying to concentrate long enough to get the ***ignment done. She doesn't cry anymore when she has to go to school.
I'm glad I allowed a trial of the meds. I just wish I'd allowed it earlier, for her sake.
Sheila
sambalo ...@aol.comSpamFree (Bev)
I bought hubby a single red rose for Valentine's Day when money was tight.
He's still got the petals :) Bev Remove the "SpamFree" for email, please.
J. Brian Chamberlin jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com
Oh **** you, Emma. I never meant that there are kids out there that have problems and I certainly believe ADHD is a real thing. I myself have a niece who is severely autistic. There are tons of things out there that we are just beginning to understand. My main beef was with Ritalin. More and more kids, especially boys, are being put on that each year and for no other reason then to make them more controllable in the cl***room. You want evidence? Ask any teacher. I know several.
--Brian
"Bill in Co" n...@earthlink.net
Brian, I'm just curious - are you this mature with your wife and family?
Then how in hell do you expect to have a chance to get your relationship back on track?
"NormDePloom" SeeMy...@InMessage.com
"J. Brian Chamberlin" <jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com> wrote in message ...
| On Sat, 24 May 2003 16:45:38 -0600, m...@earthlink.net (Emma Anne) | | >J. Brian Chamberlin <jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com> wrote: | > | >> I suppose this is the age of initials! All of our kids are something | >> or another. Man it drives me crazy. I think most kids are hyper.
| > | >This just proves that you are completely clueless about ADHD. The | >hyperactivity (or inattentiveness) has to be maladaptive, and causing | >problems in at least two areas of the person's life. If it's what every | >kid has, it isn't ADHD.
| > | > | >> Now | >> we just have to cl***ify it as something to make it understandable.
| >> Boys are aggressive yet more and more each year are thrown on Ritalin | >> to control their behavior.
| > | >Really. Then you should have no trouble providing some evidence that | >this is the case (hint - it isn't). Another hint - not just boys have | >ADHD. Not just kids even. Third hint - the meds aren't used to | >"control their behavior" and they don't. Stimulants let the ADDer | >concentrate on what *they* choose to concentrate on. Most kids don't | >really enjoy getting into trouble constantly, so at least the | >hyperactive ones often *do* behave better - because they choose to. The | >inattentive ones usually aren't a behavior problem to begin with.
| > | >> I doubt it will happen, but hopefully | >> we'll be able to look back on this age one day and shake our heads in | >> shame. Instead of educating ourselves on the human mind and how it | >> works, we'll just drug everyone to make them the same. What a bunch | >> of horse shit.
| > | >God, you are an ***hole. I devoutly hope your kids never have problems, | >since it's obvious you'd rather see them miserable and failing then get | >them some help.
| > | > | | Oh **** you, Emma. I never meant that there are kids out there that | have problems and I certainly believe ADHD is a real thing. I myself | have a niece who is severely autistic. There are tons of things out | there that we are just beginning to understand. My main beef was with | Ritalin. More and more kids, especially boys, are being put on that | each year and for no other reason then to make them more controllable | in the cl***room. You want evidence? Ask any teacher. I know several.
| Why should we ask the teachers? The teachers are the ones telling the parents (incorrectly) that they cannot bring their kids back to school unless they put them on Ritalin. Our county mental health workers are called on again and again to inform the teachers that they do not have the training, or authority, to tell parents they have to put kids on medication.
"NormDePloom" SeeMy...@InMessage.com
"J. Brian Chamberlin" <jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com> wrote in message ...
| On Sat, 24 May 2003 16:45:38 -0600, m...@earthlink.net (Emma Anne) | | >J. Brian Chamberlin <jbrianchamber...@yahoo.com> wrote: | > | >> I suppose this is the age of initials! All of our kids are something | >> or another. Man it drives me crazy. I think most kids are hyper.
| > | >This just proves that you are completely clueless about ADHD. The | >hyperactivity (or inattentiveness) has to be maladaptive, and causing | >problems in at least two areas of the person's life. If it's what every | >kid has, it isn't ADHD.
| > | > | >> Now | >> we just have to cl***ify it as something to make it understandable.
| >> Boys are aggressive yet more and more each year are thrown on Ritalin | >> to control their behavior.
| > | >Really. Then you should have no trouble providing some evidence that | >this is the case (hint - it isn't). Another hint - not just boys have | >ADHD. Not just kids even. Third hint - the meds aren't used to | >"control their behavior" and they don't. Stimulants let the ADDer | >concentrate on what *they* choose to concentrate on. Most kids don't | >really enjoy getting into trouble constantly, so at least the | >hyperactive ones often *do* behave better - because they choose to. The | >inattentive ones usually aren't a behavior problem to begin with.
| > | >> I doubt it will happen, but hopefully | >> we'll be able to look back on this age one day and shake our heads in | >> shame. Instead of educating ourselves on the human mind and how it | >> works, we'll just drug everyone to make them the same. What a bunch | >> of horse shit.
| > | >God, you are an ***hole. I devoutly hope your kids never have problems, | >since it's obvious you'd rather see them miserable and failing then get | >them some help.
| > | > | | Oh **** you, Emma. I never meant that there are kids out there that | have problems and I certainly believe ADHD is a real thing. I myself | have a niece who is severely autistic. There are tons of things out | there that we are just beginning to understand. My main beef was with | Ritalin. More and more kids, especially boys, are being put on that | each year and for no other reason then to make them more controllable | in the cl***room. You want evidence? Ask any teacher. I know several.
| Why should we ask the teachers? The teachers are the ones telling the parents (incorrectly) that they cannot bring their kids back to school unless they put them on Ritalin. Our county mental health workers are called on again and again to inform the teachers that they do not have the training, or authority, to tell parents they have to put kids on medication.
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