Ideas for dealing with lack of attention?
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"JeanneP" jeanne.petrang...@gmail.com
Hi all, I'm looking for ways to deal with lack of attention in my 1st grade 7yo son. All I've been able to find online are "ritalin yes or no" type discussions and that's not what I'm looking for.
He's always had "selective hearing" at home and it's hard to keep him focused on things he considers boring, but it's only becoming a real problem in 1st grade. In particular, he'll goof off while his cl***mates are doing writing ***ignments. We have a parent-teacher conference coming up and I hope his teacher will have some good ideas, but could I pick your brains too? He's the first 7yo child we've had.
At first, his teacher sent home notes about his lack of attention (she'd have to fetch him for cl*** circle times, for example, and generally not do what she told the cl*** to do), and we had the kinds of one-on-one conversations with him that have usually worked in the past. More recently, his teacher would send his undone writing ***ignments home so he could do them for homework and so we would know about the problem. Yesterday, she kept him from having recess so he could re-do an ***ignment (I think that's good; we try to let our kids learn their (in)actions have consequences!) but if that doesn't work we need to think of something else.
His 4yo brother, by contrast, gets the same kinds of parenting from us and doesn't have any such difficulties. We keep getting complements on his behavior and intelligence, and he does what we tell him to do.
Thanks, Jeanne
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
Here is one site that may be of help...this is a page specifically for helping the student with ADHD in the cl***room, but there are many other pages at this site for those with ADHD (both children and adults) that might be worth a look...
http://www.ldonline.org/article/5911
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
The Serial Killfiler alXXhuri...@NOSPAMyahoo.com
I know little about the little ones, so I won't offer advice on that.
However I hope you are able to make some progress with this issue that doesn't involve special education or any tablets.
TSK
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"LAH" some...@somewhere.net
You might want to take a look at this site: http://www.adhdnews.com/ It doesn't sound as if your son has had any diagnosis of ADHD but your post led me to believe you might be thinking along those lines.
I particularly like the message boards on this site. They are pretty active and very helpful when you feel a need to rant or just need a listening ear from someone who has "been there and done that". For the most part those who chose to medicate, those who chose not to or can't, and those who chose other alternatives, seem to coexist peacefully. Those who have an "ax to grind" or just like to flame are at a minimum.
Good Luck.
"JeanneP" jeanne.petrang...@gmail.com
Thank you. I'll take a look. You're right, he doesn't have a diagnosis, and we don't want to peruse one. We'd prefer him to recognize how important this is and help him find coping mechanisms; he'll probably have a better life that way. I know he has a problem with attention but when I look that up in a web search it's hard to find behavioral things.
He always gets 10 hours of sleep each night but last night I got him to bed earlier. This morning instead of a suggary cereal I gave him Cream of Wheat. Since he brought home another undone ***ignment with another note from his teacher, I had him write her a simple note of apology with "I will do better today." I explained all the way why we're doing this to try to instill in him how important this is. I also emphasized that I know he can do these things, and discovered something; apparently yesterday his teacher told him she thinks he should still be in kindergarten. He's very sensitive and internalized that. Of course, that makes me and his father pretty upset with her.
I'm going to have to be careful at the parent-teacher conference to not be antagonistic and make it clear that we want to work *with* her. I've heard horror stories of some teachers who take bad relations out on the kids, and I certainly don't want that to happen here.
Jeanne
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
I would be very upset with the teacher who said this. There is no way that it is appropriate for her to tell a student something like this.
--
Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
The Outer Limits
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
Before you dismiss getting a diagnosis, think about the child's perspective. He may *not* be able to control his impulses, if he is truly adhd. This was written for a child with SPD, but it fits ADHD as well in many respects. Putting things in perspective: We??™d like you to think about and remember this when we are discussing what is needed to support ***********, and in considering his IEP.
Imagine you are in a very loud an echoing gym. There are very bright fluorescent lights flickering and buzzing overhead. There is loud music playing that doesn??™t sound pretty; it just sounds like distorted guitars and shouting.
There are 500 kids in the room with you who are running, jumping, laughing, crying and making a racket. Someone in the cafeteria next door is cooking something that has a very strong and terrible smell.
Now imagine you are to remain seated at a desk in the middle of this room and work on writing your dissertation.
Besides what??™s going on in the environment, every time you move your head the slightest bit, the words all move on the page and you have to re-orient yourself. Your hand is weak and controlling it to form the letters takes great concentration ??“ and still the letters tend to come out backwards or in the wrong spot sometimes. To make it worse, there is a moderator in the room with a timer and they have only given you a certain amount of time to write the next paragraph of your dissertation.
How would you feel? Would you feel stressed and anxious?
Would you be able to go to this environment every single day in order to get your dissertation written? Would you be able to pay attention and concentrate? Would you do your best work? Would you request frequent bathroom breaks? How would you feel if after leaving this room someone did something else to irritate you such as took the last cup of coffee, ruined your favorite pen, or you went home and your children were whining and hyper. Would you remain calm? Would you over react and blow off steam?
Remember ??“ this is what it is like for *********** every day he has to be in cl*** in school. The more anxious and stressed ************ becomes, the more we will know that the environment is getting to him. Once he is past his limit, there is no getting him back without a break. If you had to endure that same environment for 9 weeks, how long of a break would you need to take before you did not feel stressed about going back to it?
Now, let??™s make it even worse. Think again about those eyes that get lost all the time and the hands that have so much trouble forming words. You??™re back in your ???sensory overload gym,??? and your advisor has decided that you MUST improve your time on-task and also the speed and accuracy of your work. Basically, you must learn to physically control your hand and eyes while also dealing with the other stressors in the environment. Your advisor gives you 2 choices.
You can work on and be measured for improvement by reading and copying a dull and repetitive financial report full of meaningless statistics ??“ or you can do this work by reading and copying a novel by your favorite author. With which material do you suppose you could better manage to block out all the negative sensory ***aults and actually make the improvements your advisor wants to see?
This is why ************ must have different material that is challenging and interesting. It is why all studies show that Twice Exceptional kids do not do well when material is reduced (in level not amount) and made easier. They require help, but it must be the right kind of help. The wrong kind of help only adds to their stress and a downward spiral begins. No IEP can be useful unless it addresses the entire unique package that is the child and his/her needs. In fact, addressing the child as a ???whole???
rather than a sum of a few disabilities was one of the main reasons for enacting ???No Child Left Behind.??? The wrong environment and the wrong work would result in ********** being left behind.
--
Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
The Outer Limits
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
Interesting phrasing...you "know he has a problem with attention"...yet you do not want to persue a diagnosis that might help get him the help he needs with that very problem.
Not all help with ADHD involves medication....I have ADHD, as do both of my sons (one also is dealing with gifted/aspergers syndrome/SID). While we have used medication on occasion, we have not used it all the time--I compare it to using antihistimines--we use it only when we need them, and not when we do not. When our symptoms are problematic, and non-medication is not working, we use medication....when non-medication works, we do not use medication. My sons have not used medication to cope with their ADHD symptoms for years...but if they find that they need medication again, they will not refuse it, they recognize it as a tool--nothing more, nothing less.
I posted a link to a site that gave several non-medication resources....there are many others that have ADHD resources as well...
http://add.about.com/ is one http://www.chadd.org/ is another The thing with these is that the offer both sides--medication and non-medication--in order to support those who choose both aspects. From what I have researched (and experienced), a mulit-modal approach is often quite successful, though I will not judge any person on their own choices--that is between them and their doctor.
I just highly reccommend that you *do* talk to your child's doctor in order to rule out any possible problems that might be causing--or exacerbating--your son's attentional issues. One thing to realize, though, is that a proper diagnosis of ADHD (or not) would mean an exhastive series of testing in order to rule out any other possibility...if something is causing "ADHD-like symptoms," then it is not ADHD, but <insert diagnosis>...but if something is causing the symptoms and cannot be defined as <non-ADHD diagnosis>, then it is more than likely ADHD...
FWIW, if you want to know more, the diagnostic criteria that the doctor will be looking at, from the DSM-IV (Diagnostic Statistical Manual 4th ed) is: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/symptom.htm DSM-IV Criteria for ADHD I. Either A or B: 1.. Six or more of the following symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months to a point that is disruptive and inappropriate for developmental level: Inattention 1.. Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
2.. Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
3.. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
4.. Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
5.. Often has trouble organizing activities.
6.. Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
7.. Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school ***ignments, pencils, books, or tools).
8.. Is often easily distracted.
9.. Is often forgetful in daily activities.
2.. Six or more of the following symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have been present for at least 6 months to an extent that is disruptive and inappropriate for developmental level: Hyperactivity 1.. Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
2.. Often gets up from seat when remaining in seat is expected.
3.. Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may feel very restless).
4.. Often has trouble playing or enjoying leisure activities quietly.
5.. Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor".
6.. Often talks excessively.
Impulsivity 1.. Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
2.. Often has trouble waiting one's turn.
3.. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
2.. Some symptoms that cause impairment were present before age 7 years.
3.. Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g. at school/work and at home).
4.. There must be clear evidence of significant impairment in social, school, or work functioning.
5.. The symptoms do not happen only during the course of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Schizophrenia, or other Psychotic Disorder. The symptoms are not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g. Mood Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Dissociative Disorder, or a Personality Disorder).
Based on these criteria, three types of ADHD are identified: 1.. ADHD, Combined Type: if both criteria 1A and 1B are met for the past 6 months 2.. ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive Type: if criterion 1A is met but criterion 1B is not met for the past six months 3.. ADHD, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type: if Criterion 1B is met but Criterion 1A is not met for the past six months.
American Psychiatric ***ociation: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric ***ociation, 2000.
This way, you know more about it, in order to make a more informed decision--which is something I firmly believe in--making "informed decisions," that is <g> The most important thing is getting the right supports in place for your son, so that he has the best chance of success...whatever the terminology turns out to be <g>
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
"Jerry Beeler" jerrybee...@sbcglobal.net
Agree with sf. The web is a valuable resource for information but when it comes to giving methamphetamine to a first grader I would be VERY careful.
Nothing can take the place of a face-to-face with a qualified human being, even at that, before taking the meth-trip get more than one opinion.
Like .. you know ... being a kid.
Jerry
"JeanneP" jeanne.petrang...@gmail.com
I said that because I equated a diagnosis with medication, and we want to look for non-medication ways to help him...
... And thank you for clearing that up for me. I appreciate the lists, too.
We're not against getting appropriate help. Last year in kindergarten we saw some social awkwardness and asked the school phychologist to test him for Asperger's, and she concluded he's not on the spectrum.
We just don't want to jump to conclusions and throw medication at a behavioral issue that can be address another way.
We're pretty sure he doesn't have an auditory problem because at home, when he seems to be "zoning out" and not listening to us (telling him to do things he doesn't want to do, like coming to help pick up toys or getting himself dressed in the morning), we might toss in something like, N*****, you hair's on fire" without changing tone, and he always responds to that. Of course, for things he wants to hear, he always hears and responds to fine. That's why I call it "selective hearing." At this time I doubt ADD or ADHD, with my limited knowledge of the subject, because he's perfectly capable of sitting down and writing, and finishing without prompting; the difference is if he cares to. For example, he recently sat for 30 minutes and read through some books aloud for me one morning while I was getting ready for the day, because he likes to practice reading and likes those books. I even had to tell him when it was time to stop and eat breakfast.
Also, I asked his sunday school teacher yesterday if she'd experienced any kinds of attention problems with him, and she was surprised by the question, ***uring me she's had no such problems at all with him.
At this time, our opinion is that he's just not used to buckling down and doing things he doesn't want to do (we may have been lax in this area at home) and he gets easily distracted during those times. Of course, we'll talk all this over with his teacher and if she thinks there's cause to pursue some kind of diagnosis, since she's had a lot more experience with his age group than we have, then we'll pursue that. Our challenge is to keep this a cooperative relationship and not get adversarial. Not only did she tell him he should be in kindergarten, but I also found out she's applying labels in front of the other students, calling him "Joker N*****" with a similar label for the friend he gets silly with.
It hurts to see that, because he's a sensitive kid and he takes it to heart. This weekend, his karate cl*** was asked by their teacher to express thankfullness to identify someone important in their lives and write them a note of gratitude. He chose his 1st grade teacher and wanted to thank her for "helping him learn." This was completely his idea. And no, he's not just trying to butter her up... he's not that sophisticated at this point. And yes, he wrote the whole note in one sitting, start to finish, without any prompting. I really hope she doesn't continue with hurtful words, because I'm not sure what to do if that does continue. If I go to the principal I fear she might take it out on him (I've heard of that happening).
Jeanne
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
People with ADD *can* hyperfocus when they are interested in something. The fact that he can focus sometimes doesn't rule out ADD or ADHD.
--
Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
The Outer Limits
"LAH" some...@somewhere.net
An example of this would be X-box. DS can spent hours playing. I've lost count of the times uniformed friends or family will point to that as an example of why they believe he couldn't possibly be ADHD and how doctors are just over diagnosing the condition. Nevermind the fact, it takes close to an hour in the morning for him to finally get around to tying his shoes -
and then only after numerous reminders (We're talking about a 12 year old here!) In addition, it is a rarity when he is able to complete homework without one of us (Mom or Dad) sitting right beside him to constantly help him refocus. Work that should take only a few minutes can drag out into hours. I must say it really is irritating when some well-intentioned know-it-all starts going on about how it is all a matter of poor discipline - aargh!!! The last straw is when they say, "Well, he's capable of doing the work if he would just pay attention and work in cl***!" Please, tell me something I don't know!!!!!!
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
No problem--that is one of the most common myths about ADHD, by the way, so it is understandable...
Understand about that as well...my younger son is currently dealing with that, as well as some ADHD...currently his diagnosis is ADHD/gifted/asperger's/SID...though it did take several years of "tweaking" to finally get that diagnosis right.
One of the things about AS is that it often manifests around 3rd grade, right around the time that cl***rooms shift from being highly-structured, highly-modeled, and highly-repetitive (because most kids need this in order to learn how to learn), to a cl*** with less of this--and these are the things that the kid with higher-functioning autism needs to survive. When these supports are removed from the routine of the cl***room, a kid who was "making it" in the cl***room that had them in place will suddenly "develop" symptoms--because there are no longer the supports that he had that allowed him to function.
That is why my son's AS was not diagnosed until 3rd grade--and once we got those supports back into place (it took over a year and a half), he started to slowly regain lost ground.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Those are the key words...another myth of ADHD is that we cannot focus or cannot pay attention to anything. Not true--we tend to pay attention to everything--but when it is something we are very interested in, we tend to switch to hypERfocus...problem is, we often can manage the switch on our own...i.e., most other people know where that switch is, but we have somehow misplaced ours <g> <G> BTDT, got too many shirts <g> Routines are good ways to handle many things, including how to approach the things that have to be done, but we don't necessarily want to do (after all, how many of us truly like to do all the things involved with housework? <g>) Of I would definately be concerned....if she is calling people names, what is she teaching her kids? That is not really the environment I would think would be conducive to the success of a child that might have some exceptionalities--whatever they may turn out to be...
I like that idea....and taking martial arts is a good idea for someone who has issues with propriaception (the perception of where one's body is in space)--I took 3 years of Chinese kung fu/t'ai chi, mainly because I was a klutz---body awareness does wonders for self confidence, and the fact that it teaches discipline (which is internal--"self discipline" is redundant, IMHO) can be of help to your son in the long run. When I was taking martial arts, we had several with hyperactivity and impulsivity issues, and this did help focus somewhat...also, one of the Scouts in my son's troop takes tae kwon do and is a world-cl*** black belt--it has helped him therapuetically in many ways as well.
<G> I can believe you...I have seen this happen with other kids...as I said above, sounds like a good idea, gets kids to learn to appreciate non-materail things that they have...
Again, just like anyone else, focus often depends on interst...however, being able to *control* said focus is often difficult when someone is dealing with issues such as ADHD or the autistic spectrum...
For your son's sake, (and the other students), if this is true, I would hope so...my suggestion is that you document this, just so you do not lose track of what you know--it might not be as often as you remember (or it might)...but having it on paper will show if there is a pattern, or triggers...much like what would be done to try to determine a child's behavioral issues as well <g>
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
<nodding> For my kids, it is anything with the computers...for me, it was my books--I would literally "block out the world" when reading a book, and people would have to call my name several times. If I finished a cl*** ***ignment early, I would pull out my (sci fi/fantasy) novel, and read...sometimes I would miss the bell, I was so hyperfocused....similar state of self-hypnosis would happen when I was playing music in the band--I would have what I felt like were almost "out of body" experiences on the football field during halftime, I was concentrating so hard on the field show...
However, if I was not interested, I was alsways fidgeting, talking, interrupting others, etc....definately ADHHHHD <g> Oh, hubby does say that when I get sensory overload, I tend to "zone out" just like my son does...I start staring off into space, and all it takes is someone calling my name....a form of hyperfocus as well...
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
"JeanneP" jeanne.petrang...@gmail.com
The parent-teacher conference was yesterday. I approached the topics of the Joker label and the remark about belonging in kindergarten in a very low-key, non confrontational way. It's not clear to me if my son simply misunderstood what he was being told, or if the teacher was prepared with her responses, but I'm happy with how that went. If there is a real problem, now she knows we're aware of it, and if there isn't, now she knows to be more careful about how she might be interpreted.
The teacher seems to think the problem is entirely behavioral. We talked about techniques and identified that specific goal setting might help. For example, our son was not interested in learning to tie his shoes until we a) got him a new pair of sneakers that lace and told him he can't wear them to school until he ties them himself, and b) got him to decide to be one of the kids who can help other kids tie shoes.
Then, he learned very quickly and now each day he puts on and ties his shoes when asked. We think part of the reason he doesn't do his writing center work at school is because he doesn't understand it's relevancy, so if he has a goal it will motivate him to want to do it. Now I know from your explanations (thank you!) that this behavioral issue could very well be ADD behavior. In any case I'm glad we came up with another tool for the teacher to try.
What we didn't talk about is specifics about how she handles N***** when he acts up, and I wish I'd thought about it, but it's not worth trying to bring it up again in an email or phone call, because that would come across as confrontational.
I also asked if these behaviors are specific to the time of day. She said the afternoons are definitely worse than the mornings. Since I've had low blood sugar, and since he's so skinny, I've made an appointment with our doctor to talk about that. We may also get bloodwork done to find out if he has any nutritional deficiencies since he's such a picky eater and since (as I've recently learned) some things like magnesium and B6 deficiencies may affect ADD and/or Asperger's behavior.
I also found a behavioral technique (from one of the links or searches inspired by those links posted in this thread) that my husband is also interested in trying. Our son can really frustrate us with his not answering and not responding when we call on him. We'll try the "First Time Club" described in this post: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.support.attn-deficit/browse_frm/th... [more below...] We had him in gymnastics for a few years to help him be a little less klutzy, and he loved that, but now his age group does competitions and he just wanted to play. So this is why we have him in karate, which he loves, thanks to a wonderful instructor. We've also recognized that he could benefit from the self control taught in karate.
Thank you all, Jeanne
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
If she believes so, and the school concurs, then perhaps a Functional Behavioral ***essment might be called for...this is a procedure in which the child's behavior(s) is gone over with a fine-tooth comb (as well as the cumulative folder) in order to determine what purpose the behavior is serving...i.e., in the child's mind, "why" is he doing what he is doing.
Once that has been determined, then the environment can be adjusted so that the child learns to use other behaviors to achieve the same goals...
http://cecp.air.org/fba/ This is used in conjuction with some sort of behavior modification therapy--for my son, we used Behavioral Supports, a type of modified Applied Behavior Analysis, in order to help him "retrain" his impulses (now, he had several behavioral issues, as well as social skills problems, because of the asperger's as well as the impulsivity of the ADHD) Glad I could help...it is often a case of Been There, Done That....and sometimes the worst thing is feeling like you are the only one dealing with this type of issue--there is definately "safety in numbers" and sharing ideas about what has been tried and results (remembering that "one size does not fit all"!) helps in brainstorming for our own kids! <g> You might consider talking to the guidance counselor, or someone in that department...if this is going on, it is possible (probable) that this would be exacerbating the problems that the teacher says are "only behavioral"...this would probably come out in theFunctional ***essment...
Definately would not hurt to have any problems ruled out...my own son is quite thin, and does not eat much--his sensory issues cause him to have food issues (tactile defensive--texture is a big issue), so getting calories into my 5'10" 115 pound kid has always been a bit of a challenge. One thing that has helped are the drink supplements--he currently is favoring Boost...
I see many good things on this--the consistancy, routine, structure, clear communication in detailed specifics, all of these are great things for our kids....
One thing that has helped me a lot is an old-fashioned kitchen timer. When it is time for "time out," I set the timer for the required time....none of this "Mom, my time is up....Mom, are you sure? Mom can I come out now?" I simply point at the timer (set where they cannot "adjust" it)...they might try to plead/whine/argue with me, but I tell them to argue with the timer...
Another thing is that this reminds me of the techniqeus we used--choose your battles, and reward desired behavior while not giving attention to undesired behavior (unless dangerous)...Remember, yelling is attention...
Also, we set up "contracts" concerning routine things, such as chores, or school grades (which I can check online)...the contract is clear, specific, "legalese"...the kids have an end to keep up, and in return so do we (computer privilages, treats, etc)....and we both sign it...
<G> I remember one time, when I was teaching the kids' cl*** (as a brown belt, it was one of our repsonsibilities to teach someone)....I had to give a "lesson of the day" at the end, after we finished our ("long") 1 minute of meditation...I asked the kids how many of them had parents who "disciplined" them....most raised their hands. I then told them that their parents could not "discipline them (listening for the collective gasp from the parents, sitting on the sidelines of the workout floor). I asked them what they meant, "My mom 'makes' me clean my room...that's discipline, right?" I looked at her and asked, "Does that mean your mom takes your hand, forces you to pick everything up?" "Of course not!" (giggles/laughter) I asked them if they cleaned their rooms/did chores when told to...and all said they did, or else they would be "disciplined" by their parents...
I then let them in on the "secret" of the day.....when they chose to do their chores, do the right things....they were showing discipline, because it is something you do for yourself, you canNOT do it for anyone else.
However, if they chose not to do so, if they lacked discipline, then their parents would probably give them a punishment--which is one of the tools to teach someone discipline. (listening for sigh of relief from parents--and got it <g>)...the kids learned that what they were learning in addition to the physical aspect of kung fu was the internal aspect, which can be more important--discipline <g> I will be honest with you...even after several years, and earning my first degree blacks (which was a half-dozen years ago; I have had to quit that practice because life got too busy), I am still dealing with ADHD (and all that entails, since I am more hyperactive than anything)...however, I still can find my center, my "calming" place....and after a particularly rough day, that can be crucial We all need that...especially when dealing with special needs kids....
From one mom to another, a suggestion?
Make sure that you remember to take time for yourself at least once a day (even if it is only 15 minutes)...if possible, find an outlet for yourself where you are Jeanne, not "_____'s mom" or "______'s wife"....find time to "refill your well" because if you are constantly letting others dip into your well of energy, and you do not find a way to recharge it, who will take care of them when your well runs dry?
Sounds "selfish" but we caregivers do need to remember this....
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
"paisleys02" paisley...@netzero.com
Hello, I was looking at some of the responses that you received and I just had a few suggestions to add. First, do really consider discussion with a physician..not necessarily about medication but about the challenges your son is having. I know diet was mentioned, but there are other medical issues to rule out. For example, sleep disturbances can also cause problems with attention and alertness. I'm not a doctor, but I work with kids who have ADHD. Also, it sounds simple, but make sure you have his hearing checked. You said you had him evaluated by a school psych, so hopefully they ruled out learning disabilities at that time.
better results than consequences for not getting something done correctly. Work in praise wherever you can when he does well. Set up a signal between him and his teacher for reminding him to get back on task. Maybe work out a reward system that crosses from school to home where he earns points for rewards/priveleges by participating or completing work. You'll probably see similar suggestions in your reading and on websites. Best of luck!
Sandra
"LAH" some...@somewhere.net
I've no doubt all his teachers experience frustrations at one time or another!! In fact I'd be surprised if they didn't.
I'm ***uming all I don't know where you got the idea that we haven't considered medication.
Perhaps you are confusing me with the original poster. Ds takes 20mg of adderall XR once a day. As I've sometimes told his teachers, "You see him at his best. I see him in the mornings before the medication has taken affect and in the evenings when it is beginning to wear off." Currently homework is the biggest issue we have to cope with.
As a rule, I don't say too much about his medication because it is all too often an open invitation to flamers.
I wonder if you Yes, you are right! Socially he gets along very well and for the most part has a great deal of empathy and enjoys people. As an adult he may be the one with the lampshade on his head at the company Xmas party.
"JeanneP" jeanne.petrang...@gmail.com
Summary for those who can't read previous messages in a thread: My oldest son is in 1st grade and has had problems doing/completing his work in school, and I posted here asking for advice before going to the parent teacher conference. We planned to brainstorm together about possible approaches to handling this behavior, and I wanted to make sure the meeting was friendly and seen as a partnership instead of an us-versus-them thing, and I wanted to know if anyone had behavioral approach kinds of ideas.
Update: My son has only brought home his writing ***ignment once since the parent - teacher conference. This time, as always, I sit down with him and ask him why he didn't do it in cl***. He usually has a reason (excuse?), so then we talk about possible solutions to whatever he says his barrier is. Part of that is to try to let him know that if there's anything he can do in his control, he should do it, and another part is to let him know how important this is to his parents and we're trying to help/support him too. Our conversations go well. This last time he said he didn't write in his journal because he couldn't think of anything to write about. I suggested we could make a list of writing ideas for him to bring to school, and whenever he doesn't know what to write about he can look at the list. Together, we brainstormed ideas, and I made the list. He hasn't brought home anything since, and his teacher has sent home a note thanking me for the list. Her notes home have changed in tone, with none of the earlier frustration. Yay!
This morning I sent the teacher an email asking how my son is doing, since I hadn't heard anything for a while. Partly I wanted to make sure she hadn't given up and put him with the remedial group, as she had mentioned in the parent teacher conference. She replied that he's doing "much better" and still needs prompting but he "gets it done in the end" then she talked about some other aspects of his personality that she appreciates, and she thinks he is "putting effort into the day." So... Yay! again... he's doing better, and the teacher is not frustrated.
I don't know if it's made any difference or if it's coincence, but we've also made a dietary modification as a result of an article I read online suggesting if an ADD/ADHD child has exczema then getting more essential fatty acids may improve their behavior. Dry skin is a problem for my husband and my sons. So I researched some more to find out what kinds of foods have essential fatty acids (are they the kinds of foods my son eats or not?) and learned green leafy plants are rich in those.
Now, my husband won't eat anything green and leafy, and consequently our kids diets lack that too. Basically anything listed as good sources of essential fatty acids are not on their menu. Not wanting "too much of a good thing" I then researched good sources and age appropriate amounts, and settled on adding a teaspoon of ground flax seed to the kids breakfast cereal each morning. It has a slightly nutty flavor so it blends in great with hot cereals. My husband now takes flax seed oil and fish oil capsules, in the hopes it'll help his exczema, though he hasn't had much success there. I suspect the effect on the kids is minimal, but who's to say? I'll continue the flax seed regardless of behavioral issues because now I know it helps provide something they otherwise miss in their diet, and it's easy. We can get the flax seed at any pharmacy store, like Walgreens or Target (it's with the vitamins). We keep it in the freezer so it won't spoil. We educated the kids about what it is and why we give it to them, and now they ask for it every morning. If our son gets school problems again, there's plenty of safe room for increasing the amount of powdered flax seed and seeing if that has any effect, and there are a few other dietary things to try too.
... and I'm looking into creative ways to add green veggies to their diets, and now have more support from the spouse for these initiatives.
Jeanne
"Dave L. Renfro" renfr...@cmich.edu
JeanneP wrote (in part): Or you could just give the URL: http://groups.google.com/group/k12.chat.teacher/browse_frm/thread/737... Dave L. Renfro
"Sumbuny" Sumb...@THISSHOULDBEGONEcox.net
<G> Thanks for the summary--often they tend to "drop off" the server after so many days...
Glad to hear that you have found something that works for you guys...and "if ait ain't broke, don't fix it!" Hmmm..That's a new one...I have eczema myself (I was diagnosed at first with "infantile eczema--how do you like that one? <g>)--as well as asthma. One thing that I have learned is that these two are often together--eczema and allergies and/or asthma...
A site that is quite helpful is medline--it is a government-run site. The one dealing with eczema is at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/eczema.html
--
Buny " Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." ~ Albert Camus
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