Boarding Schools
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cvi ...@tntech.edu (carrollviera)
I'd like to hear about experiences from anyone who has sent a child (especially a boy)to boarding school for senior high school. I've read a few books and am familiar with Peterson's guide, but I'm interested in individual experiences (rather than general comments on topics like How to Choose a School). Carroll
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
I have no experience with boarding schools. I have a question to tack on to yours though: Unless your child has special learning needs, why would you send them away from his/her family? A 'better' education isn't a good enough reason to do that, IMO.
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002
David desJardins d...@math.berkeley.edu
Wouldn't the same argument apply to college? Graduate school? It seems to me pretty artificial to say that there's a magic age (e.g., 18) at which that becomes a good idea, and before that age it isn't.
David desJardins
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
The difference would be that a college student is an adult, off on his/her own. A high school student is a child that should be with their parent(s).
Cared for by the parents, not a school.
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002
David desJardins d...@math.berkeley.edu
That seems very judgmental. Why should the transition from "high school" to "college" always be exactly the right age at which this transition is most appropriate, for every person? If some family decides to make this transition a little bit differently, then they're just wrong?
Other societies make this transition at different times, in different ways. Are they all wrong, too?
Our (my) society also tended to make the transition differently, in the past. I think you're elevating a particular cultural norm that happens to be common in our society today, to the status of moral necessity, which it really doesn't deserve.
Do you have some kind of evidence, or independent data, to support the notion that between high school and college is the most beneficial time to make this transition? My own feeling is that children and young adults, like all other people, vary a lot, and I wouldn't necessarily expect any particular rigid rule to be best for all of them.
David desJardins
"Rosalie B." gmbeas...@mindspring.com
My question would be - why would you want to send a child with special learning needs away from his family support group? I'd think a normal HS student would be more and not less likely to benefit from boarding school than a special needs child.
I have not sent any of my kids to such a school, nor have I contemplated doing so. I did date some boys who were going to some such schools. There are quite a number of reasons for sending HS students away to school. To list a few: 1) schools like Exeter and Groton are supposed to make it easier to get into the higher echelon colleges. One of the boys I dated went to one of these.
2) there are some boarding schools that are quasi military schools, and kids get sent to them for various reasons such as discipline. There was one of these locally, and one of my mother's best friend's dh was on the staff of such a school.
3) there are some religious boarding schools, - run by nuns for girls that have girls from outside of the USA so that the girls get better educations than would be likely in their own country. One of my best friends was a day student at such a school.
4) Some parents live in, work in, or travel to places where there are no appropriate schools for their children.
5) there are some cultures where boarding school is normal and expected way to go HS (I am thinking of England here).
grandma Rosalie
mar ...@aol.com (MarjiG)
My parents didn't stop caring for me when I became an adult. I stopped needing to be taken care of significantly before that. Just off the top of my head, so reasons parents might consider boarding school appropriate for their high schooler: 1. It is a way to make the transition more gradual. 2. It is a test to see how the child handles such things, while the parent still has authority.
3. They live in an area with inadequate schools.
4. The parents move often, and this is a way to give the child a measure of stability during high school.
5. The child has a particular interest or aptitude that makes a particular school a good choice.
I'm sure there are others.
-Marjorie
Lee leedoesnotreadt...@earthlink.net
"Jill" said: Technically, they are both adolescents.
Some adolescents are ready to live away from home, others aren't.
You don't get to decide for all of them.
"Rosalie B." gmbeas...@mindspring.com
I'm piggy backing on your post rather than my own because I just remembered another reason. My 1st cousin went to boarding school in AZ because of severe allergy problems, and it was considered (at that time) that the Arizona air would be freer of allergens. He'd be allergy free out there, but the minute he came home he'd be wheezing and turning blue again.
Some time later, it was found that he was actually allergic to his horsehair mattress, and once that was disposed of he had no more problem.
My aunt and uncle were pretty POed that they'd spent all that money when they didn't have to.
So to the other reasons I listed (snob appeal, military discipline, religious instruction, and normal societal practice) in my previous post, and Marji's reasons above, you can add health concerns.
grandma Rosalie
"L. Miller" ques...@citcom.net
Maybe the child wants to go. I made that request myself in 11th grade.
Elizabeth Gardner egard...@altavista.net
My parents sent my brothers to boarding schools, for similar reasons. The first went because he'd spent his first two years of public high school hanging out with kids who didn't value school and my folks didn't think he would make it into college with the grades he had, and boarding school seemed like the best way to break that cycle. He did end up going to college on a football scholarship that he probably wouldn't have gotten if he had stayed at his original school. The second went in order to get him away (faaaar away) from a Bad Element that he'd fallen in with at home, and to get him into an environment that specialized in dealing with learning disabilities and discipline problems that he had. I have no reason to suppose that he would ever have finished high school if he had stayed at home.
If my parents had been better at discipline to begin with, both my brothers might have done OK at home, but since they weren't, at least they had the wisdom to recognize it and hand the job over to professionals.
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
These are good reasons, though for #3 I'd move the whole family if a job change was possible.
In the case of #5, I'd move the family to the town/city with the school, if possible.
~ Jill
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
I don't need research data to know that I, personally, would not send my child away unless the situation called for it. I'm not debating. I'm asking why would others do it. So why would YOU do it? I'm not judging anyone, I'm curious.
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002 ...
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
Did your parents let you? How far away were you?
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002 ...
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
Carroll, It looks like I've hijacked your post. I hope someone has some advice for you about how to choose a school!
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002 ...
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
By special needs, I mean the kid who's parents just can't help them. One who needs professional help. Like I said in a previous post - I'd move to where the school is to still be there while he/she was getting the help they needed. (like the military-type school you mentioned.) Is a day student one who attends cl*** at a boarding school but still lives at home?
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002 ...
mar ...@aol.com (MarjiG)
I think a lot of people would move for #3 if they could. For many reasons though, moving might not be the best option.
As for #5, I'm not sure I would move. For one thing, what if you have 2 kids with different interests or aptitudes? So far this is all hypothetical for me, we haven't even hit middle school yet.
-Marjorie
"Jill" jk...@charter.net
Nor would I try. What is going on with people thinking I'm trying to rule the world? I asked a question and stated why I wouldn't do it. That's it.
What in the world got some of you so defensive?
~ Jill Mom to Eric 7-6-2000 and Ethan 3-29-2002 ...
LisaBell lisabell...@yahoo.com
I attended two boarding schools, 7th to 8th grade and 11th to 12th grade (equivalents - neither school was in the US). The first time, my father was on academic ***ignment in Africa and there were no suitable local schools. After 6th grade, my choices were homeschooling (by correspondence course) or boarding, and I much preferred the latter.
Moved overseas again in 9th grade and this time my choices were to try to learn a new language in time for graduation, or board at an English language school. Again, I chose a boarding school. I remained very close to my family throughout, and ended up attending a local college while moving back to my parents home.
My advice on picking a school is to involve the child in the selection, and in visiting the school, before making a choice.
Consider whether his/her peers are going to be kids it is easy for him/her to make friends with. Having friends in boarding school is even more important than in a regular school.
--Lisabell
Lee leedoesnotreadt...@earthlink.net
"Jill" said: You said: A high school student is a child that should be with their parent(s).
Can you help me to interpret that to mean something other than that you believe that high school students should be with their parents?
ma ...@squirrel.com (Marcy Thompson)
That's a pretty strong statement of what is always true for all people. You don't say "I think that my kids will still need to be with me when they are 17" or "I prefer to care for my kids directly until they are legally adults" or anything else like that. You said that kids of that age should be cared for by their parents.
When I read your original post, it sure looked to me like you were making a blanket statement about all children and all families, and implying very strongly that people who did not do it your way were wrong.
I think you are wrong. Although I think that there are high school students who need to be home, cared for directly by their parents, I also think there are students and families for whom boarding school is an appropriate choice. But in the world you outline, where high school students need to be cared for directly by their parents, there can be no such choices.
I remember once when my brother asked my father what the Webb School was, and my dad said it was a boarding school. My brother asked what a boarding school was, and my dad said "A place to send kids whose parents don't care about them." I think my dad was wrong. I also think you made a similar ***ertion, with the same implication.
If that's not what you meant, then all I can say is that judging by the response you got, lots of other people took your statement to be a general judgement and not a statement of personal preference, for your family and your situation.
Marcy
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Marcy Thompson ma...@squirrel.com
"Ann Porter" annyallpor...@earthlink.net
You said:
---
The difference would be that a college student is an adult, off on his/her own. A high school student is a child that should be with their parent(s).
Cared for by the parents, not a school.
---
That doesn't really imply that this is just your preference.
Best, Ann
"Rosalie B." gmbeas...@mindspring.com
IME, people who live in an area with inadequate schools can't change jobs (such as military personnel). My father believed that it was up to us to get an education, so he would never send us to private school even though all the other reasonably middle cl*** families in our area who could possibly afford to do so, went to private school. (I lived in Baltimore).
In the case of #5 (and I'm thinking of sports such as gymnastics and ice skating), sometimes the family can move and sometimes they don't want to because other children in the family don't share the same desires.
grandma Rosalie
"Rosalie B." gmbeas...@mindspring.com
Yes grandma Rosalie
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