Greed begats greed.....
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ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
So, now the child of divorce who has been told that it's that child's "right" to forceably extract money from a parent turns 18.........what has this child learned? This child has learned that it is "okay" to legally pursue and har*** a parent, "okay" to call this parent "names", " "okay" to sue this parent, "okay" to deprive this parent of such things as income, driver's/business licenses, "okay" to jail this parent.....on and on and on...this child has learned that these are potential options, even if they never apply to that child's specific situation.
Now this child is 18 and wants to go to college. In some states, support (and, in some cases additional support) can be continued to be extracted, despite the fact that this "child" is now an adult...and, for no other reason than this"adult" child is from a family of divorce. Mary, down the street who is from an intact, working cl*** family, is not guaranteed such an education.
Mary may be from the most dysfunctional and toxic family in town, but no special higher educational rights are bestowed upon Mary. There is no "equal" opportunity under the law in this case. And, parental discretion and budgeting for voluntary contribution to one's child's higher education have been rescinded....the child no longer must look to the parent(s), and attempt to work with that parent regarding how that parent may "help" the child....instead, the child may just "extract" at will.......
Why should the adult child of divorce think any different than it is "okay" to continue to extract money from a parent? What training has this "adult" received? From what planet does this "adult" come? Sue your parent(s), throw them in jail....it's your right!!!!! Force parents to pay for a college education that they themselves may not have been able to afford for themselves.
Force them to support you, even though you claim the status of "adult" in all other arenas. Force them to pay for a college education for you, while your half-sister or half-brother who may live with them in an intact family very well may have no chance at even having a decent elementary school or high school life, because money that now should be spent on raising them is being sent to the "adult" who has achieved majority (and this amount is calculated based on inflated standards, and may very well fly in the face of what this family can "truly" afford), and who does not want to support themselves. Or, maybe you are forcing them to spend their future retirement on your WHIM. I hope you know that many states now FORCE the adult children to support their destitute parents, and so the shoe may fall on the other foot. So, make use of your free education...you may be supporting your family in addition to your parents in the future if you bankrupt them. And, what a sight that will be!!!!
I can hear the squealing "Unfair, unfair" already!
And, what are your chances of maintaining a marriage? What if your spouse decides to opt out of your marriage, and takes the children with him/her? What if your children is raised with the same "values" system you were raised with?
What if your child treats you as you treated your parent(s)? What if you become a "criminal" simply by being a divorced parent without adequate custodial rights? And, now your income may be garnished to support both your parents and your children...."Will the circle, be unbroken......" Greed begats greed........and those who may reap now may very well find themselves being economically and emotionally "reaped" in future.....
Ivy
keithbj keit...@uswest.net
You go ahead on!! I agree with this completely. Divorce sucks for kids, but that's the row some of them have to hoe. It is NOT the court's business what I choose to pay for or not pay for when it comes to an adult who is 18. My son will do something when he's 18. He'll get a job or pay rent. I'm not required to give him an education past HS. I'm not required to buy him a car, to pay his car insurance, or buy him $150 sneakers. And guess what, I won't. But I have a bad bad feeling that come year 16 of my stepson's life, we'll be in court being forced to pay for those things. And what will he learn? What at age 8 he (sadly) already knows.
Stuff equals love. Money equals love. Poor kids aren't as good as he is. He deserves to have more just because he's alive. And I will die a thousand deaths if my children ever believe that. Ever.
nos ...@nospam.com (Auntie Mame)
Remember the old saying - "What goes around, comes around."
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
They probably have learned that their NCP doesn't care squat about them, if money had to be forceably extracted from the NCP, to support the them.
This child has learned that it is "okay" to legally pursue and The child has learned it isn't okay to not support your own children.
"okay" to call this parent "names", " The child has learned to call a spade a spade, and has waited until their NCP has totally truned their back on them to tell then what they really think about them.
"okay" to sue this parent, The child has learned about law, and that it is their to protect them from how their parent could treat them after they are divorced from their CP.
The child has learned there are consequences for breaking laws.
"okay" to jail this parent Hopefully the child has learned not to act the way a nonpaying, noncaring NCP has acted.
.....on and on and on...this child has The child has learned parents can't walk away from their responsibilities, and get away with it.
The child of divorce learns if he lives in a state that mandates help from their parents for college expenses he can get that help. Even if their NCP is too tight or too wrapped up in their second set of children to want to help him.
Mary, down the street who is Mary down the street has BOTH of her parents figuring how her college expenses will be handled *together*. The child of divorce many times does not. The child of divorce many times has one parent, usually the NCP who remmaried and has additional children, who thinks because he turns 18 he is ready to be totally independant of his NCP and support of *any* kind.
Mary may be from a toxic family but at least her parents cared enough about Mary to keep her family together. Hence forcing them to decide together about Mary's higher educational expenses, without the courts getting involved.
There is no "equal" It is ***umed (rightfully or wrongfully) that married parents will do the best they can to help their children with their college expenses. The courts and children of divorce have learned the hard way they can't make that ***umptions with divorced parents, hence the inactment of such laws.
And, parental discretion and Laws exist to make sure NCPs don't turn their backs on their children, be they 8 or 18. Your NCP having additional children with a 2nd spouse is not reason to deny you help with your college expenses.
the child no longer must look to the parent(s), and attempt to The child no longer *bothers* to work with a parent that has shown no willingness to help them, only a certain glee in counting down the days till they can wash their hands of them as a financial burden, and be able to spend those extra dollars on the second set of kids. How many days left on your count down calander, Ivy?
Why should the adult child of divorce think it's okay for their own parent to not *want* to help them?
What training has this "adult" Yes, what training has this adult child recieved?
From what planet does this "adult" come?
From what planet does his parent come from?
Sue your parent(s), Cut your kid off at 18. Kick em out of the house. Sink or swim junior, I've got replacement kids to screw up now.
Pitty me, you big grownup adult of 18, we have all these new little mouths to feed. Don't throw me in jail, I have *my* kids, and you are no longer one of them, to feed and care for!!!!!!
Force parents to pay for a college Force children to to only match up to what their parent's capabilities were, even when their own child far exceeds them, and their parent's are able to ***ist.
Ignore the fact that the age of 18 only gives a person some adult rights, and that turning the age of 18 doesn't automatically ready a person to be totally independant AND be able to have a decent future.
Force them to pay for a college education for you, Yes, MAKE that parent help you, you are their flesh and blood!!!! If they were still married to your other parent, they most likely would offer without you having to even ask. Just make sure the amount you get is not more than the CS they have paid all along!!!!! Let's not forget many 2nd spouses feel their H or W should only meet 1/2 the first set of kids basic needs, so you have to leave enough for your parent to pay half of what it would cost to raise their other kids at the base welfare level. It's only *fair*.
while your Don't pitty that half sibling. They had YOUR parent with them ALL THE TIME. You didn't.
very Don't let your NCP or their new spouse try to make you feel guilty for their decision to have children they can't afford to support properly!
because money that now should be spent on raising them is being Don't let you NCP or their new spouse try to extort or guilt you out of your college funds to pay for children they can't afford on their own.
(and this amount is calculated Don't believe your NCP or their new spouse when they try to tell you all your NCP is responsible for is meeting your basic needs. I can ***ure you they want more for those half siblings they produced without taking your future into consideration.
, and who does not want to support themselves.
And how many 18 year olds wake up on their 18th birthday and are ready to move out and never look back? Few, if any. Well at least those that want more than a mediocre life.
Or, Maybe your parents (not step parents, but ACTUAL parents) are investing in your future and you will be able to help them out as a professional with a college degree.
I I hope you treat your parents the same way they treated you. Were they there for you when you needed them? Or were they more concerned about those other children? I'd let the other children worry about them if they were more concerned about them than you.
So, make use Don't forget, if the state mandates you to take care of your parents and they helped you, treat them very well, you'll be able to afford it. If not there are always state homes you can stick them and turn your back on them the way they did to you.
And, what a sight that will It will be such a sight when your parent's spouse, who not being one of your two birth parents you will have zero obligation to help or support, will be squealing "Unfair, unfair" as their children give you the evil eye for having the audacity to only take care of your parent and not theirs.
Your chances of maintaing a marriage are excellent if you pay close attention to how parents treat their children when they reamarry and have a second set.
What if your spouse If your spouse opts out of your marriage and takes your child with him/her, you have been given the example of how NOT to behave by your NCP and their new spouse. Don't make the same mistakes they did.
If your child is raised in the same value system you were raised with, they like you did, will not accept being replaced by additional children that can not be afforded without erasing them at 18.
Be good to your children, and they will be good to you.
What if you You will not be a criminal unless you break the law. Learn the laws of your state and follow them.
And, now your income may be garnished to support both your parents If your parents were good to you you should freely help them. Welcome them into your home. But ONLY your OWN parents not the ...
ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
Read again. I said that the adult child has learned that he/she has the "right" to extract this money, whether it has been extracted or not. And, child support many times is "extracted" automatically, regardless of the feelings of the NCP towards the child or towards child support.
I am not addressing individual characteristics of a particular parent here.....I am addressing the learning history of a child who has been told, maybe since birth, that this child can effectively forcibly extract money from a parent...what damage does this do to the parent, the child, the parent/child relationship and to society as a whole?
Ivy: Indy: By learning that it is "okay" to legally pursue and har*** a parent, even if that parent wants to support the children.
Indy: This is off topic, and not very realistic.
And, if we don't condone calling people names based on sex, religion or gender, then we should not condone calling people names based on their marital, divorce or custodial status......
Ivy: Indy: Does not mean the law is right OR just...How many children prior to the civil war learned that the *law* allowed people to enslave others, based on skin color????
Indy: and that it is their to protect them from Oh! Here we go! Are you saying that child support is "protection" money? Ivy: Indy: What "laws" have been broken? Debtors' laws?
Ivy: IndY: Caring NCP's can be jailed same as noncaring NCP's. There is not protection based on feelings toward the children. And, child support is not intended to be some sort of revenge, even if the parent is noncaring.
And, a parent does not have the right to jail a "noncaring" child, so why should the child have the right to jail a parent for "noncaring"?
Ivy: Indy: Yeah....well, when is the last time you saw a *parent* jailed for collecting welfare? And, you ENTIRELY miss my point. Children have learned that they have this POWER, even if it is never applied.
Ivy: Indy: Oh, give me a break! Yeah, you are correct...the adult child of divorce learns that if he or she happens to live in a particular state, that he or she can force a parent to pay for *college* support. My point, exactly: Forced college support based on an elitist standard of having been a "child of divorce".
Adult children of divorce: the new "aristocracy"; the new plantation owners...
And, this *stereotype* you keep putting out about some NCP who has a new family is wearing thin, is prejudicial, argumentative and is a red herring.
Ivy: Indy: How do you know this? What if both parents don't want to pay for college? What then? Can she force them?
Indy: The child of divorce many times does not.
And, many times children of divorce do. Either way, they should not have the option of forcing parents to provide for the *luxury* of a college education when 1) they are *adults* and 2) this law does not apply to ALL parents.
Indy: The child of divorce many times has one parent, usually the NCP Why do you say "usually the NCP" who has remarried and has subsequent children....where do you get this?
Indy: who remmaried and has additional children, who thinks because he turns 18 he is ready to be totally independant of his NCP and support of *any* kind.
This is a *straw* argument and a misrepresentation.....you draw up a fictitious story, and want to make that the rule as opposed to the exception. And, even if this were the case, so long as the *state* feels that a person is an adult at age 18, it should not matter whether this *adult* has pink elephants for parents. That *adult* should not be allowed to force another *adult* to support them. It is slavery!
Ivy: special higher educational rights are bestowed upon Mary.
Indy: How do you know? Every family that stays together does so necessarily because they care about the child(ren)? I guess women who sue for divorce don't care about the child(ren) (following your line of reasoning, that is).
Indy: Hence forcing them to decide together about Mary's higher educational expenses, without the courts getting involved.
Yeah...deciding whether TO pay for something for their adult child or whether NOT to pay for something for their adult child. Again, you underscore my point.
Parents of divorce are treated differentially in this matter. And, nothing is "forcing" this intact family to do this.........
Ivy: Indy: This is one of the most stupid arguments I have ever heard. Indeed, it is the very argument used by an appeals court in Oregon a couple years ago to reverse a judgement that forcing divorced parents to pay college costs for their adult children violated the equal protection under the law clause in the US Constitution. They said that this is not unequal treatment since divorced parents might, in virtue of having been divorced, be less likely to help with their childrens' college expenses. This is like justifying a law that makes it criminal for boys to shoot birds but not criminal for girls to shoot birds, on the grounds that girls are much less likely (in virtue of being girls) to shoot birds. This is discrimination, not treating people equally under the law.
And, the reasons why this is wrong in the matter of forced college "CS" has been made clear in this and prior posts. Just THINK about it. Forced college support has already been ruled unconstitutional by the Pennsylvania Supreme Court.
Ivy: Indy: Ivy: If laws existed to make sure the NCPs don't turn their back on their children, then they would make it harder for Mommy to kick Daddy out of the home, and provide her less incentive and reward for that, perhaps requiring joint custody, instead of forcing Dad to pay such outrageously high child support that he doesn't have time, place, or money for visitation.
And, in my humble opinion, no NCP needs any such "excuse" as a 2nd family to support to refuse helping out with college for an adult child of his. After all, it is his money, and he owes nothing to an adult child. Quite the reverse, once the child is an adult, he owes everything to the parents; they are not in the child's debt, for goodness sakes! And the NCP probably already has paid much more toward his adult child's upbringing than ordinary parents do, since the state forced him to pay CS that was far higher than the actual cost of raising a child. And, even if not, no parents other than the parents of divorce can be forced to pay for adult childrens' college expenses. Hey, Indy, are you a Custodial parent? If so, under current Oregon law, the courts could force you to pay for your child's college, if the child is a child of your divorce. If you have remarried in the meantime and have a child in your new marriage, that child comes second under the kinds of laws we are talking about. You might have nothing left to help pay for your new kid's college or things because the state forced you into debt to pay for an adult child's college. Are these two kids getting treated ...
"Megan Hockett" mhock...@hotmail.com
When child support checks come numbered 24...23...22...and so on for the last two years of support...I wonder what a child of divorce is to think about that.
When child support checks come "Bank Closes May 15, 19XX"...I wonder why a child would think that the parent hates every dime that they have ever paid.
When a parent is so upset about the divorce, the child support, or whatever personal matters that they bash the other parent in front of the child...It doesn't hurt the other parent. It hurts the child that hears it because that child believes (whether true or not) that it is thier fault the parents hate each other.
That is how children can think that every bit ounce of child support is regretted.
Being a child of divorce is not some supreme right. Yes, I have opportunites becuase of child support (more than I would have had if I had been raised without it) and I am not going to deny that. If you have ever thought that being a child of divorce means having things given to you, a walk in the park, think again.
Paul Fritz paulfr...@voyager.net
Were the checks made out to you, if not, sounds like mommie had just as much an axe to grind becasue you had no business seeing them.
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
Paul Fritz wrote in responce to Meghan's post that NEVER showed up on my server!!!!!: ( Meghan, if you can, please repost your intire post to this thread, thanks) Oh puhlease!!! What's the mother suppossed to do lock up the checks, refuse to let the teenager get the mail? Or what if the checks *were* sent to the child?
Don't forget this particualr child has been recieving college ***istance for a few years. ANY father that would number his checks, be they sent to the mother, child, whomever, is a arse.
And even if she did show the child, and I agree they shouldn't be shown to the child, it doesn't negate the fact that daddy *is* doing a count down, does it?
Yet you don't seem to see this as the root of the problem, do you? It's just the evil mommy, eh? When it could be just the child seeing checks that mommy left on her dresser that arshole daddy wrote to support a child he very well may resent, or at least lead this child to believe so.
Hey, Paul where's your defense of this moron, on this one? Do ya think evil mommy, closed the account behind this swell daddy's back?
Meghan, who was doing the bashing? Your mom, your dad, their second spouses?
It hurts the child that hears it because An adult child of divorce speaks, I hope other's are listening.
Open you ears WIDE, folks. This girl speaks from her heart.
You shouldn't have to defend the simple fact BOTH of your parents helped support you. You recieved nothing more than you deserved. Well, you did get an unwanted feeling from your dad, and that you did NOT deserve.
If you have ever People who understand the effects of divorce on children, like you Meghan, already know their lives are not a walk in the park. Too bad some people are more concerned with the almighty dollar than they are about their own flesh and blood or the flesh and blood of the spouse they claimed to love and except with any history they brought into the second marrriage. At least in the beginning.
Indy
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
And that does not change one word of what *I* wrote or think. Children that see their NCP or another child's NCP considering support for their own child as *extracted* monies learn that NCP doesn't care squat about their child.
And, Those that wish to do the best for their children don't refer to or conisder CS as monies extracted. I find the term offensive, towards children of divorce, with your usage of the word.
So you think evil divorced mommies are having midnight oil burning sessions teaching their children of divorce just how to get as much from their NCP as possible??
BTW I am not addressing individual scenarios either. Plenty of children of divorce learn first hand by their, and others, NCP's actions and words just how unimportant they are to them.
If the parent *wants* to and *does* support their child sufficently, legal pursuits are not necessary.
Hey, you brought it up.
Huh? Considering I have no idea what kind of name calling you were originally refering to I'm at a loss with your responce. I thought you were refering to a child telling their parent off for not caring enough to support them as a child.
Opinions vary. You see it as unjust, I don't.
How many children prior to the civil LOL. You've been reading too many of Drew's posts. He's got the market cornered on the slave comparrisions.;) Not in the traditional *Italian* way.;) More so protection from the NCP walking away without helping to support their child.
The laws that say NCP's must support their children. But you already knew that.
NCP's that care about their child pay their CS.
There is not protection Oh yeah, I can here it now, "But your honnor, I really do care about those kids, I didn't know they needed food and clothing." And, child support is not intended to Of course it isn't. And NCPs that care about their kids pay their CS.
There are things aduts can be jailed for that children would not. And visa versa. But NCPs are jailed for not paying their CS and that is an indcation of their not caring. They aren't jailed for noncaring but for nonpayment.
I can't remember who has the market cornered on the *welfare* comparrison. But none the less it's old, boring and not the same circumstances.
I didn't miss it. I just don't agree with it, that's all.:) Parents who care about their children's futures don't have to be forced to provide them with financial help for college, when they can afford it.
Attitudes like yours are so common amongst second wives who want the first set of kids finacially erased as soon as they turn 18.
Yawn. Email this to Drew, he'll be so proud of you.;) ZZZZZZZ........
Same way you know Mary is from a working cl*** family and isn't guarenteed an education.
What if both parents don't want to pay for college?
It happens and the kid is screwed. Those people shouldn't be parents, if they have the ability to help and refuse to. Just MHO, of course.
Can she force them?
I don't know if she could sue them or not. I think she should be able to, providing they have the means to help.
Then there is no problem with this situation is there?
Either way, they should not have the A college education is no longer a luxury.
Turning 18 does make one an adult ready to fend for themself and pay for their own college education.
and 2) this law does not apply to ALL parents.
Nope. Only those that are divorced.
You chose to cut off my comment. Therefore attempting to twist my words. I'll answer the question to the entire quote, below.
I said NCP because they tend to be the ones who want to stop the support of their children at 18. If it was the CP doing this the majority of the time, you'd see a lot more 18 yr olds out on their own, as opposed to still living at home with their mothers.
Nope. This has happened, it is far from fictitious.
and want to make that the rule as opposed to the exception. It's the rule with most that post here, is it not? They just *can't* afford it.
They have other mouths to feed. yada yada yada. Maybe they need to drop their ISP and put that money into a savings account for their child's college education.
Sure it is. ;) I guess all the millions of parents that help their kids with college expenses every year are nothing but a bunch of slaves, then? I'll have to tell all my ...
ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
A *greedy* adult child of divorce. I don't think others need to listen....she sets a bad example.....
Ivy
Paul Fritz paulfr...@voyager.net
I could not agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Megan Hockett" mhock...@hotmail.com
You may feel I am "greedy" but, however I am viewed is how a lot of other children of divorce are too be viewed as well. If I was not "greedy" and did not take an active stance in my life, I wouldn't be in college and I certainly would not have the ability to make something of myself. See me as you may, but know that every hurtful word that you say to your children about the other parent, child support and otherwise, affects them.
"Paul Fritz" paulfr...@voyager.net
For yourself???? LOL................ your demanding your parents foot the bill. Pay your own fricking way and then you are "making something of yourself" See me as
"Megan Hockett" mhock...@hotmail.com
And one more thing...All of us are greedy. I am greedy because I want ***istance for college. Parents are greedy for wanting to keep their money for themselves. Second families are greedy for wanting more than the first family. It can't be all about greed as we all can be condsidered greedy.
It is how you look at the situation and how the situation applies to you.
...
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
You don't that she is greedy. Hell, *you* don't even know why she was in need of an additional year of college, do you?
I don't think others need to She sets a *true* example, of what divorce can do to a child and how having an ars as a NCP can be overcome by having a great CP. Of course, if I remember correctly, seeing that *your* children are in an intact family, you don't care squat about the children of divorce, do you?
It really sounds like all you care about is making sure your H's child(ren) from his first marriage don't get *more* than yours. More of his time, more advantages, more clothes, more money, and on and on. Just how green are your eyes?
Indy
"Paul Fritz" paulfr...@voyager.net
No, it is about staisfiying your own greed as opposed toexpecting someone else to satifiy it. That is the issue. Something you obviously cannot overcome. You are an adult......f__king ACT like one.
justamo ...@bigfoot.com
On Wed, 28 Mar 2001 20:52:03 -0600, "Megan Hockett" I would say that if the child has knowledge of what is written on the memo line of a child support check, then it is the custodial parent who is doing something wrong, because the child should not even be seeing them.
Agreed. You do realize that since the custodial parent has the child far more than does the NCP, it is much more likely that the CP is the one doing the most bashing of the other parent.
Well, in our case, it is. Every single cent. Why? Because, frankly, we pay the child's mother the court ordered support, yet we still wind up having to provide the child's needs again, because she does not send him to us with anything that approaches being adequate.
However, it should not entitle you to force your father to pay for one single thing above basic needs.
Lori
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
Yes, for HERSELF. Just who is there studying, taking the test, learning? Is it her arse of a NCP who *can* afford the small contribution he has to make, and then puts a guilt trip on here? NO it's not.
LOL................ your demanding your parents foot the She shouldn't have to demand her father helps her. He has the ability to do so.
And BTW her MOTHER has no problem helping her, and her mom's income is less than the child's father. So explain that one, Paul.
Pay your own fricking way and then you are "making something of I hope she treats her father just like he has treated her. When he is old and in need of ***istance. I hope she gives him as little as possible and makes him feel as guilty as hell for anything she does for him. But if he lives longer than what is expected I hope she, like her father treated her when she needed more time, tells him to handle it on his own.
Hey Meghan, that only counts, to some people around here, when the CP is the one saying the disparaging things. NCPs and their second wives never say anything against the CP, or so they would like others to believe. Of course, your experiences show us they are full of manure.
Indy
Bob Whiteside robe...@teleport.com
Wait until the posters who are so adamantly against helping college students wake up to the fact they are paying too. They just don't recognize their tax dollars are going to fund colleges and universities, education loans and grants, and the education tax credits accruing to the CP. They are helping to finance the college education costs for the kid next door and millions of his/her cl***mates. Once they realize this fact, they will turn greedy too.
And if they are consistent in their logic they will demand their tax money back from the government because they don't like how it is being spent on "spoiled" children. :-))
ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
I DONT say negative things about my stepchildren's other parent to them...some of us know better.
And, what about the hateful things you say about your parent(s)? Are adults not to have feelings?
What about your hateful actions? Wanting to FORCE your parent(s) to support you when you are an adult?
It is greedy. I know LOTS of children of divorce, and, believe me, your views are not necessarily representative of them. They are representative of a greedy, spoiled brat, who feels that FORCING another human being to give her the LUXURY of a college education is okay.
It is not "making something of oneself" to FORCE an adult to support another adult. I went to school with plenty of people who were working to put themselves through school (including myself). Do that for awhile, and then preach to me about "making something of yourself." At this point, you have nothing to be proud of.....
Ivy
indyg ...@aol.com (Indyguy1)
Give me a break. Oh sure it's the CP fault the NCP wrote what he wrote on the checks and the CPs fault the NCP closed his account, isn't it? Geesh, talk about pointing the finger of blame and having the other 4 pointing back at you.
LOL It was the NCP that wrote the countdown numbers on the check. It was the NCP that wrote a CS check on a closed account. IT WAS THE NCP THAT DID THE WRONG THING.
It was the NCP that treated his CS and by extension his child, with little regard or respect.
But you have no problem ignoring these things and blaming the CP for showing these dreadful acts to the child, when you have no idea how the child saw these things. Maybe she saw them at her father's. Maybe she got the mail at her mother's. But, noooo, you automatically ***ume she was shown these by the mother.
I'd bet money even if this child had never seen these checks she probably already knew the resentment existed by the way her father and/or his second wife acted towards her. Feelings aren't that easy to hide from an older child.
because the child should not even be Of course she shouldn't. But as I said before even if she wouldn't have seen the checks I'm sure she already knew how he felt by his actions and words.
Bull crap. Just because the child is with a CP more often doesn't make the CP more likely to say nasty things about the other parent. It gives them more time to do so, but doesn't give them more incentive.
Based on the words of many of the NCPs and second wives that post here it's the NCPs and second wives that have the anger and resentment towards paying the CS and I doubt they are capable of keeping those feelings of resentment from being recognized by the children.
And you don't think when your stepson gets older he won't be able to feel that resentment? Of course he will. And I suppose it will be the *Christian* thing to do for you to slap on a phony smile and tell him how he is such a blessing that came from such a sin.
Every single cent. Why? Because, frankly, Then take her to court and charge her with neglect. Or is it just that the mother doesn't send the child in things that are up to *your* standards? If the kid comes in rags, dirty, bug infested, and hungry, why aren't you calling the authorities? I thought you *really* cared about this child. Isn't that what a caring person would do?
Court ordered CS or college ***istance shouldn't be considered forcing a parent to support their child. Decent humans want to support their children. Those who want to toss them out at 18, should have bought a puppy instead of having a baby.
to pay for one And is that all *your* child gets, Lori? Just his basic needs met? No he gets far more. Including BOTH of his parents there to tuck him in at night, and a mother that doesn't work out side the home so she can provide him with the best education possible. Children of divorce rarely, if ever, get the luxuries your son gets on a daily basis.
Indy
"Goddess" godd...@peak.org
No, you're not greedy for *wanting* it but for demanding it. Different story. My parents never paid a dime toward my college education, neither of them. I still got one.
Parents are greedy for wanting to keep their money Um, they earned it didn't they? It belongs to them. Adults (those over 18) don't have any right, IMO, to monies of others, even their own parents.
Second families are greedy for wanting more than the first Second families already know about the existence of the first family and need to take that into account when beginning a second family, IMO. To do otherwise is to be pretty stupid, IMO.
It can't be all about greed as we all can be condsidered greedy.
Yes, it is in how the situation looks. Those demanding money from their parents when they are already legal adults is pretty childish, IMO and yes, greedy. Look to yourself for your own support. You'll thank yourself in the long run.
Marg
rfisc ...@sonic.net (Ray Fischer)
Maybe you were just being given ample warning and the opportunity to start making other arrangements.
Perhaps you're offended that your parent knows that you're spoiled and irresponsible. If you are, then good. It's time to grow up.
--
Ray Fischer When you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks rfisc...@sonic.net into you -- Nietzsche
ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
No....all of us are not greedy. You "want" does not mean you "get". Maybe you should try to "earn"......
Note the use of the word "their"....what gives you the right to take from somebody what is theirs....lest you are a thief.....
This sentence makes no sense.
No, this is not "relative". If something is rightfully yours, especially if you have given up precious moments of your mortal life to acquire it, NO ONE has the right to take it from you just because that person WANTS it.
Maybe you should spend less time on the computer and newsgroup and more time working to put yourself through school.
And, you illustrate my original point very nicely. This is the kind of thinking that is fostered by the current child support scam.
Children grow up thinking they can take things just because they want them.
Amazing.
Ivy
ivyja ...@aol.com (Ivyjade2)
Indy: That is not my point. My point is that a child learns that just by virtue of being a child of divorce, that child can determine what can happen to a parent.
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