marriage counselling
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ec0 ...@hotmail.com (Serene)
Wonder if anyone can help me here.
My husband and I went to see a therapist, whom we both thought they specialize in ONLY marital counselling. But, she said she did both individual and marital counselling. How do I ensure some level of experitise in marital counselling from a therapist?
thanks in advance!
cjmorga ...@aol.com (CJMorgan59)
I don't think I understand the question. Could you rephrase it? Are you concerned that if a therapist works with both individuals and married couples that she somehow might be less qualified at one of these? Again, I'm not sure I understand what you're asking here.
CJ
Doug Anderson ethelthe...@yahoo.com
Or more generally, how do you ensure some level of expertise in counselling period! I wish I knew the answer to that. I think you have to ask them what their training is, spend some time talking to them about your problems and then go with your gut.
I wish I knew a better alternative. You also have to be ready to say "this one isn't working out for me/us, let's find someone else."a Doug
ec0 ...@hotmail.com (Serene)
CJ, Sorry for not being clear about my question.
We are concerned that the therapist does not have a good amount of experience in marital counseling. Individual counseling is just bare minimum, I'll ***ume. The experience in marital aspect is more specific. It's like, I prefer taking my 1 year old baby to a pediatrician than a family doctor.
I did consult the therapist about her experience with marital counseling, with very humble attitude of course. She will only do what she feels very comfortable and confident in, and she feels confident in offering marital counseling. She was honest to say that she will definitely not do counseling for teens and children. I felt good so far. I cannot make my husband to feel comfortable about her, I can only provide him info. More importantly, we both need to have a better understanding what marital counseling involves.
thanks..
ec0 ...@hotmail.com (Serene)
Thanks, Doug. You've just confirmed my thinking of this. I am helping my husband to have a better understanding of what marital counseling involves.
ianD ...@club.net (ian)
Hello Serene, Why do you have to help him do this ? Does he have insufficient time or inclination to discover such things for himself, and why can you not share this discovery task ?
Not knowing anything about your situation it's difficult to comment.
But I would think that if a couple have a shared problem, a shared solution is the remedy. Is his leaving this task up to you (to get the marital counselling information) symptomatic of the very problem for which you seek counselling ?
~Ian.
cjmorga ...@aol.com (CJMorgan59)
Well, that's good. And frankly, I have a bit more confidence in someone who well knows their limits.
For example, I'm a scoutmaster. And my forte (which I've come to recognize over the years) is working with the older scouts, the Venture scouts, those who are generally 14-19 years of age. Yes, I can work with the younger scouts. And yes, I can even work with cubs. But the very nature of who I am as an individual, the very nature of what my character is has me much more efficient with the Venture group rather than with the Scouts or the Cub.
Now I know another Scoutmaster who has no understanding, or patience, or empathy for older teens. Venture Scouts and him are like mixing oil and vinegar (or more accurately fire and gasoline). And yet, he is quite masterful with Cubs, and humbly much better at this work than I ever will be.
Consequently, we each know our individual strength and weakness -- he's given to working with the youngster, and I'm given to working with the older hormones (as I affectionately think of them). And we each know our forte.
So it is that if this counseller knows her forte and sticks to that real, she is in my eyes perhaps already better than some because good folks in every field of life know their own limits.
*********** We best learn what marital counseling involves by doing it; by just experiencing it. Someone might tell you what a football game is like, but to best understand it, just go and experience it.
Again, however, the most important thing in all of this is how much you and your husband are willing to risk trusting your counsellor and how willing each of you -- you and your husband -- are willing to do the work involved. A counsellor can lead a horse to water and all that stuff.
It's like school in the sense that we only get out of it what we ourselves put into it, and even the best of teachers are no use to us if we aren't -- of our own free accord -- willing to do the work involved.
So competence of the therapist or counsellor is only one issue. Other issues are our ability to risk trusting them to lead us in a good direction, and our own willingness to freely do the work involved.
Hope that perspective is of some help, CJ
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