Can you teach empathy?

toto scarec...@wicked.witch

http://www.valdosta.peachnet.edu/~whuitt/psy702/files/empathy.html :I've heard some people dismiss as "wacky" the idea, :put forth in the politics of meaning platform, that schools :should teach empathy. Yet I'm a principal of a private :Jewish day school for grades K-5 that has been :implementing this allegedly wacky idea--and it works.
:Let me tell you about it.
: :Most private schools place an emphasis on academic :performance to the exclusion of attention to a child's :emotional or spiritual life. I've seen this educational :approach create children I did not enjoy being around.
:In my own work, however, I have discovered that when :children feel safe, accepted, and appreciated, they learn :more. Thus, the choice is pretty clear: Would you rather :have self-confident, intellectually lively, empathetic :children, or competitive, conformist, uptight children!
:What good does it do to give children the intellectual skills :they need to excel in the world, if they don't learn the :importance of caring about those around them? By asking :children to focus on how they treat others, we are giving :them the tools to build a successful and happy life, filled :with meaningful connections. Parents sometimes worry :that they aren't fulfilling their roles properly unless they :focus all their attention on ensuring that their children :get the academic skills that will gain them admittance to :the best schools, so that they can get into the best professional :schools, so they can land the highest-paying jobs. They've :been intimidated by the larger culture into feeling that they :really aren't being good parents unless they have given their :kids a headstart on this materialistic competitive track.
: :All the more so for parents who send their children to private :schools. They come to our school, for example, because of :our outstanding academic reputation. When they begin to :notice a positive difference in the way their children start :treating other people, they're delighted. But it isn't something :they necessarily consider to be important until they see the :results of an empathy-driven school manifest in their kids.
: :Our students ***emble each morning for a Jewish religious :service. Afterward, I occasionally talk about some issue involving :us as a group, to make sure everyone is feeling included and :appreciated. If I've observed a specific act of caring, I will tell :all the students about it. If I know of a situation in which someone :is having a hard time, I will bring it up with the students and ask :them to reach out in a special way to that person. For instance, :when we had a new student who barely spoke English enter our :school, I asked the students to imagine what it might be like for :them if they suddenly had been placed in school in Thailand or :Nigeria or Italy, and what they might have hoped for in the way :of kindness and support from fellow students and teachers in that :situation. After a lively discussion of their fantasies and fears, I :asked them to apply that to the new student attending our school.
:They got it.
: :Every Friday, I tell a story to the entire student body focusing on :some aspect of caring. Storytelling is a powerful way to teach :children significant values.
: :Don't imagine that having a school oriented toward empathy :means that conflicts disappear. But we've trained the teachers to :focus lots of attention on trying to resolve conflict among students.
:The most important rule of conflict resolution is to make sure :that each student feels that her or his point has really been heard :and understood. It often matters far more that they experience :this sense of respect than that they win the "who was right?" :contest.
: :The school devotes considerable time to service projects. We divide :the students into mixed-age groups, each of which then votes on a :service project for the next six weeks. In the past, one group made :a quilt, raffled it, and donated the money to a homeless project.
:Another group prepared food for a soup kitchen. A third group made :crafts to give to a children's cancer ward. Even before they start the :project, the kids get an experience of real empowerment, because :the faculty and staff allow the groups to decide the nature of their :projects and how to implement them. They experience the satisfaction :of activism--the power to make life better for others. That sense of their :own value in the world is a major component in developing their own :self-esteem.
: :We've instituted a "two-fer" rule about put-downs. Whenever a student :puts another person down. the teacher or fellow-student can say, :"Hey, that was a put-down." At that point, the perpetrator is required :to make two complimentary statements--"put-ups"--about the person :who was hurt. Recently, a child was hanging on a branch while :climbing a tree, and the branch broke off, poking another child in the :eye as it fell. Immediately, five students came to my office, extremely :upset. They wanted restitution for the one who had been hurt and some :consequences for the person who had hurt the tree. After I had heard :their views about what had happened, I asked them what they thought :ought to be the "consequence" they sought. They all agreed that the :person who caused the incident had to give five "sincere and meaningful" :put-ups to the student whose eye was hurt, and that he should also lose a :portion of the next week's recess because of the tree being hurt. It took a :few years to reach the point where it became part of the school's ethos :that no one hurts someone else without having to make amends, but now :that it has been put into practice, it's terrific.
: :We also encourage academic cooperation among the students. Our :curriculum is skills-based and non-graded, so the students are not put in :a situation of competing against each other. They are always ***essed :in terms of how successful they are in achieving their own potential, :not in terms of how they compare with others. Because of the :noncompetitive atmosphere, our students have no reason to want anything :but success for their cl***mates. In this environment, students are always :helping each other with their schoolwork. Since almost everybody is :good at something, each student gets a chance to help somebody else :out at some point, and that contributes to their self-esteem.
: :On a wall in our hallway is a mural of a huge "mitzvah" tree. Students can :pin paper "leaves" onto the tree to acknowledge acts of lovingkindness from :one student to another that they've witnessed. Every Friday, I ask the students :to tell me about mitzvot they've seen happen in school. I write down these :acts of kindness on leaves, and we hang them on the tree, as a reminder to :the students of the goodness that surrounds them. If we hung up all the "A" :papers, as some schools do, that is what students would focus on. By hanging :up these mitzvah leaves, we are making clear what we value--acts of loving :kindness.
: :If students are playing a game and one kid pushes another, most schools :let it slide. We don't. We stop what we are doing, no matter how much the :children are absorbed in the activity, and we focus on the act of hurting.
:We talk about what happened, why, and how it felt to the person, how we :could do it differently next time, and what the adequate restitution should :be. In this way, we communicate that nothing is more important than how :we treat one another.
: :And it works. We have noticed that if the outward focus is on caring for :others, eventually the students begin to internalize the value and it begins :to come genuinely from within them. This movement from outward :motivation to inward motivation is an extremely rewarding experience :for us as educators.
: :Our students bring the values they learn in our school with them into the :rest of the world. When they go to a typical camp, for example, and :experience cruelty among children, they speak out against it.
: :Many of the teachers, too, have taken to this philosophy quite easily, once :they understand that it is all right to take the time out from teaching "content" :to emphasize caring. In the last five years, I've instructed many teachers in :the techniques that I've been using in my school. Most of the teachers I've :met want to create a safe, loving environment, but they either don't know :how or feel pressure from the school system to give priority to teaching :particular content that will be measured by student success on :standardized test scores.
: :It takes time for teachers to feel completely at ease with this new way of :thinking and to embody it. It's all too easy for teachers to demean students, :sometimes in subtle or joking ways. So we've told our students that they :are allowed to let us know when what we've said humiliates or hurts them, :and that our two-fer rule applies to us as well. In faculty meetings, I try to :reframe all of our decisions and projects and goals in terms of how they :will create empathy and caring for our students. And I ask teachers to share :stories of their daily cl***room experiences that demonstrate our successes.
: :It's essential yet very difficult to create an atmosphere among teachers in :which they know that they don't have to be perfect to get the respect of :their co-workers or the school administration. Traditionally, teachers are :not encouraged to talk about their failures to reach students. I try to model :the opposite approach by sharing my difficulties, so the teachers see that :it is acceptable to have problems. I let them know repeatedly that they don't :need to pretend everything is always "fine." : :It is also very important that the teachers have considerable autonomy in :their cl***rooms and their curriculum. They, like our students, need to :experience the power to make ...

gitrek ...@aol.com (GI Trekker)

<<:Most private schools place an emphasis on academic :performance to the exclusion of attention to a child's :emotional or spiritual life.>> And most public schools seem increasingly determined to fill a kid's head with all manner of New Age nonsense such as "diversity", "tolerance", and I wouldn't be surprised if "empathy" is next, to the exclusion of giving them the academic knowledge and skills that they will need in day to day life. It is NOT the schools' place to teach values and morals, which is what these phrases amount to. It is the parents' responsibility -- something I admit not all of them carry out well. There needs to be a balance, but adding one more politically-correct term like "empathy" to the mix certainly isn't it, regardless of how well it seems to "work". And the average decent employer isn't going to give a darn how well a kid did in "empathy" in school, and I don't care how well some zit-faced twerp at McDonald's who's not qualified to do anything else with his life because he didn't learn any decent academic skills in school did in "empathy", either.

"FI" f...@froggy.com.au

Best way for any child to lean empathy is for the parents to be empathetic to the childs needs....
They learn best by example Fiona ...
...

"animzmirot" vze42...@verizon.net

Apparently you're completely and totally unfamiliar with the Jewish religion. This is a Jewish day school, no different from most Jewish day schools. In fact, I couldn't find one truely original or outstanding thing in this description that differs from the Jewish day schools my children attended. In a Jewish day school it IS the schools' job to teach morals and values. It's why people send their kids to a day school. They want their kids to learn the mitzvot of Tikkun Olam, Tzedakah, and practicing kindness.
That's what Judisam is founded upon. Perhaps you might consider learning something about Jewish education before you diss it.
Marjorie It is the parents' responsibility -- something I admit not all of them

rste ...@deeptht.armory.com (Richard Steven Walz)

>:I've heard some people dismiss as "wacky" the idea, >:put forth in the politics of meaning platform, that schools >:should teach empathy.
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There is NO way to "teach" empathy. All persons are born capable of empathy, and they remain capable, but if they are abused then they become much less desirous of exerting their empathy toward someone who has abused them. Saying to a child that they SHOULD feel empathy is insulting and oxymoronic, because it is obviously ONLY done when it is disingenuous, and when an abuser is demanding better behavior toward themselves than than they are willing to give the child, and better than they deserve in return for their abusiveness! And of course a child looks at that sort of shit as even MORE reason to hate the shit out of that lying dishonest ***hole. All you can do to elicit already fully able empathy from another person toward yourself is to be kind and honest with them and NOT offend or ***ault them with some demented and twisted authoritarian demand that they not only knuckle under to you and eat your shit, but also that they act like they LIKE it!!
Steve ...

rste ...@deeptht.armory.com (Richard Steven Walz)

>And most public schools seem increasingly determined to fill a kid's head with >all manner of New Age nonsense such as "diversity", "tolerance", and I wouldn't >be surprised if "empathy" is next, to the exclusion of giving them the academic >knowledge and skills that they will need in day to day life.
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Don't you REALLY understand how STUPID you sound??
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Better the school than their smarmy parents like you!
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It's better than a lot of shit they get at home out of ignorant bigots like you!
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Kids who work at Mickey-D have nuthin' to do with values! They have to do with dropping out!
Steve

"toypup" toy...@attbi.com

If a child can't learn empathy from home, then at least he could learn it at school. You obviously didn't get it from either, and that's just sad.

footmas ...@hushmail.com (Footmaster 2040)

The problem is, that in most public, and many private schools they don't feel safe, accepted, and appreciated - outside of a small elite.
The former.
I suspect the parents who support this school are empathetic, sensitive ones who want their children raised this way. That helps. There are also many parents who want their kids to be successful by any means necessary, like in the Pink Floyd song "Dogs". These kind of parents won't be sticking around this school for long, lest their kids become "pinko faggots".
Again, if they want their kids to be happy and honest, and be materially successful through their talents, they should be happy, and *not* be surprised. The kind of parents who would be surprised are those who seek vicarious power through their kids.
This is a step in the right direction, as it promotes cross-age/grade socialization. I just want to ask, do the kids actually meet the people helped by these projects? I hope so, as it humanizes the experience, and shows them how they can make a difference.
This is better than p***ively preaching about morals, empathy, tolerance, diversity, etc. to kids - and leaving them unsupervised outside of cl***, where their parental-based attitudes run unchecked.
Excellent. And non-graded means more flexible too, better equipped to handle exceptional students, and more open to Socratic questioning.
When handled properly, it is academically superior. The problem with any sort of competition is that creates a socially darwinistic "winners and losers" attitude, encourages cheating and poor sportsmanship.
It is also possible to have academic standards without competition.
This is the opposite of most schools, which are academically rigid, but socially lax to the point of anarchy. Maybe the "average, normal" kid prefers it this way, but I'm afraid it's hypocritical and unhealthy.
An academically free-form but socially supervised environment would be one I would prefer, if it was available to me in my school years.
It would be ideal also for exceptional students.
Which eliminates even more unneeded dog-eat-dog competition, and tension the teachers offload to the students.
Which leads to the solving of problems, rather than sweeping them under the rug.
Once the school bosses treat the teachers like robots, the teachers start to treat the students like robots. Start with the teachers, and give them what they need to do their jobs properly.
Why not use this approach for middle school too, where it's needed even more?
These parents often p***ively abuse their kids too. Bullies must learn bullying behavior from somewhere.
Who says these "dog" parents actually want their kids to learn anything real, and for its own sake? Other than the acquisition of money and power by any means necessary.
Life is tough enough on its own. Nobody needs extra BS in their lives.
It doesn't make them better people, more godly, or more "manly." To whomever runs this school, and posted this: I am impressed. This sounds like a very good school run on common-sense principles, and a genuine love of the students, rather than economics.
It builds up true individualism by treating them as individuals, and impressing on them that everyone else is also an individual, with rights and responsibilities.
My main objection is that this school appeals mostly to students (and parents) who are smart, sensitive, and honest. Since they have been already raised empathically, they have no trouble learning it and having it reinforced. Children raised in a non- or anti-empathic environment will be a much greater challenge. But these are the ones who really need to learn empathy, for their own good, and mostly the good of everyone else.
Best of luck! :)
- F.M. -

footmas ...@hushmail.com (Footmaster 2040)

Translation: It's not the schools' place to teach values and morals if they differ from those of the parents.
If you're afraid that it will backfire, like "self-esteem" did, then you may have a point. A private school has a better chance of succeeding with empathy than a public one.
No, but he would care if the kid emptied out the cash register and ran to another state with the loot - or didn't.
You miss the point. Empathy is not something to taught like a course, and be graded. The original post made that clear; empathy is a basic operating principle, and background rule, of that school. Frankly, I would rather the school sincerely care about how the kids treat each other than how they dress.
- F.M. -

Ericka Kammerer e...@comcast.net

Why? It may be more *commonly* taught explicitly at a private school because it may be more likely that a private (particularly a religious private) school has set up teaching empathy as a goal, but I can't for the life of me imagine why there would be any impediment for a public school that wished to place an emphasis on empathy, as long as it was done in a secular way (and religion certainly doesn't have a monopoly on the empathy market).
Best wishes, Ericka

toto scarec...@wicked.witch

Absolutely agreed. However, the school has to have an atmosphere that encourages empathy in order for children to learn anything academic, imo. When the school does not also understand and meet the child's needs, that child will not learn.
Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
source unknown

an ...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Catherine Woodgold)

As far as teaching empathy in a cl***room: for example, children can be shown pictures of people with various expressions on their faces and asked to name the emotions.
This gives practice in the skill of identifying the emotions of others, which is part of what empathy is.
Children can also be shown short videos of situations and then asked to describe how each of the characters may have felt about being in that situation. Similar skill-building. The book "Emotional Intelligence" makes a case for more of this sort of learning in school.
As far as teaching empathy one-on-one with a child at home: The book "Small Criminals Among Us" talks about ways of doing this, and stresses that the capacity to show empathy is very basic to the development of a responsible person who is motivated to follow rules and respect others.
--
Cathy Woodgold TISSATAAFL Ottawa, Ontario, Canada http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~an588/ an...@freenet.carleton.ca Given any two things, they have at least one similarity and at least one difference; therefore an analogy can be drawn between them.

s ...@pipeline.com (sf)

Ahhh, so you are unmedicated. That explains everything.
````````````````````````````````````` On 09 Aug 2002 23:15:28 GMT, rste...@deeptht.armory.com (Richard

s ...@pipeline.com (sf)

On Fri, 09 Aug 2002 23:13:57 -0400, Alberto Moreira My children also had a Jesuit education and as a protestant, I respect what they taught, because the art of QUESTIONING was a fundamental part of the curriculum. The other (big) part of their education was acquiring knowledge and using it to back up their POV with solid reasoning.

rste ...@deeptht.armory.com (Richard Steven Walz)

>>I doubt if the Jesuits who taught you believed that, Alberto.
>Absolutely yes. I was educated in a nineteenth century environment. We >were EXPECTED to act as responsible young men, no need for >indoctrination.
>Alberto.
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You just mean then that you WERE indoctrinated, and that PART of that indoctrination is not to CALL what the Jesuits did to you "indoctrination"!
They are WORLD RENOWNED for their indoctrination and torture skills.
I'm surprised the surivived the end of the Inquisition, why it must have been a lot like interviewing the AMAZING increase in the number of alleged "Austrians" after the fall of the Third Reich!!
Steve