typical deaf child behavior
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SMn ...@verizon.net (Stacey)
Hello! I hope someone can help! I have a 7 year old daughter who is completely deaf. She does wear one aid that helps her hear some sounds but she uses ASL to communicate. Her communicating skills have really progressed and we are extremly pleased. My problem is her behavior.
I'm not sure if this is deaf child behavior or if we are having behavioral issues. She can be such a sweet girl but then so hateful at the same time. She "fake cries" when told to do something. She stomps her feet when made to do something. She screams and throws temper tantrums like a 2 year old. She hits, and kicks her older sister and brother (they are 8, & 10) She gets in there face and tells them they are BAD. She will walk in the room where they are playing and snatch a toy from them and sign "mine mine mine" even if its not her toy or if it is and she wasn't playing with it. She is always trying to get the other 2 in trouble. There is constant tattling. We have tried everything. We've sent her to bed early, we've taken away priviledges, tv time, toys, we've had her write sentences, sit in time out...I'm out of options. The whole time she is in time out or writing sentences or not allowed to play or watch tv, or because shes had to go to bed early she screams and has a tantrum. I'm just not sure how to handle it. My other two have not acted like this since they were toddlers. My question is...is this typical deaf child behavior or not? And what should I do? Thanks for your help!
jstu ...@cix.compulink.co.uk
Not. She's just attention-seeking, I would say.
Regards, JOanna
bladeslizbla ...@aol.comnocash (bladeslizblades)
Just being a child I would say,perhaps a little frustrated by her hearing difficulty(It's bad enough as a hearing adult who is going deaf).
HTH Liz Elizabeth
Martin Angove MJAng...@tridwr.demon.co.uk
[description of behaviour - this is a uk group by the way :-] [most of this has come from my wife who is a professional working with deaf children] You ask "is this typical _deaf_child_ behaviour?" See her first as your child and have the same expectations of her as you have of your other children. Make sure she knows where the boundaries are, and what the rules are, and make sure you know too so that you don't keep changing them.
Don't persist with punishment when she is "bad", giving her the attention she is seeking with her behaviour, but reward good behaviour giving praise, attention and rewards where appropriate. One very important thing to be aware of is that towards the end of the day she is likely to be exhausted after concentrating on communication all day - in whatever form. Understand this and make allowances within your agreed structure.
Don't be afraid to use traditional, simple, tried-and-tested methods such as reward charts: three "smiley faces" gets a new pencil for example, but try not to treat her differently to the other children.
Give them the same rewards for different reasons: helping with household chores for example. They won't feel left out, and your youngest won't feel "different".
Hope this helps. It isn't an unusual situation (even with hearing children) - the key is to see her as your daughter first of all, and deaf second.
Martin & Sarah.
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Martin Angove: http://www.tridwr.demon.co.uk/ Two free issues: http://www.livtech.co.uk/ Living With Technology ... Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.
tlsh ...@concentric.net
I think you're having behavioral issues. Do you have someone in the Deaf community who you can go to and share parenting tips? One thing that occurs to me immediately is that Deaf children, like adults, are very visual people. I was the oldest, so I didn't have to deal with sibling rivalry until I was out of toddler stage, so I got used to exploring outdoors for fun. Maybe your child needs more exposure to nature and the outdoors for physical expression and wordless discovery. The other thing I wonder is how you and your other children communicate with your 7yo. If depending on the hearing aid, then it's likely to be frustrating. Unlike an adult, a child of that age doesn't have a lot of experience to draw upon and improvise new strategies, they kind of need adults to help them brainstorm...and for that, you need to sit down and talk to each other. It might also be time to start treating her less like a toddler and more like someone who is a 7yo.
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Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlsh...@concentric.net / http://tlshell.cnc.net/
SMn ...@verizon.net (Stacey)
Thanks for your help. I don't treat my daughter like a toddler I DO treat her like a 7 year old. She has responsibilities and she is treated the same as her 8 year old sister and 10 year old brother.
They both communicate with her using ASL. I know she gets frustrated sometimes but other things she does are completely uncalled for. I don't have anyone in the deaf community to help. I do turn to her sign teacher and interpretor a lot since they work with deaf students.
Thanks again for your help.
SMn ...@verizon.net (Stacey)
Thank you so much for your advice. I try to treat her the same and I feel in my heart that if you just saw her and watched her you'd never know she was deaf until she started to sign. We give her special choirs, and treats, always reward good behavior. I understand her being tired and frustrated but I cannot condone hitting her siblings and screaming to the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. I don't feel its fair not to punish her on bad behavior. What does that say to her siblings. I'm just at a loss for what type of punishment to use.
"Stuart" i...@brainsys.com
With the best will in the world - you can't treat your deaf child the same way if you are not deaf. The informal 'over the shoulder' conversations you naturally have with your hearing child are denied your deaf child. It is amazing what, over the years, a hearing child picks up informally about the world and yourself that is denied your deaf child. We just had to take time out to bring our daughter up to date on the Madrid bombs - which had just past her by unlike her younger sibling.
If you are as bad a signer as me then conversation is face to face and easily becomes confrontational. We don't have the social tricks to calm things down or make points subtley to avoid offence. And because deaf kids can, quite rightly, have special teaching/social support - they can get into the habit of expecting instant attention which is possible for a teacher of 2/3/4 but is quickly socialised out of hearing kids in cl***es of 30 or more. When at home deak kids may not appreciate standing in line!
Not criticising - our deaf daughter is older than yours (17) - and while we don't have problems of drugs/sex etc (yet) we do have problems of tantrums and frustration despite our best efforts. We do talk about this with her and it appears the root cause, for her, is loneliness. This in the middle of London with deaf clubs, a network of friends around the country with all the benefits of keeping in touch by MSN & SMS. But it is real loneliness - the lack of casual local unorganised friendship - being frozen out of conversation with people in the street, at church, in the shops despite the goodwill of many people. We work hard to ameliorate these problems - but they can't be eliminated.
Most human beings are very social creatures. Deaf kids can't as fully participate in the family as hearing kids IME. We can try as hard as we can to minimise the issue, we can try and provide alternate social contacts with other deaf people - but it will take a miracle in all the pressures of childhood if we don't have to suffer some spectacular explosions. Look around - it could be worse - some families have become dysfunctional over this issue. But if you try hard, speak to others, and more importantly get a greater understanding of your daughter then if she begins to realise why there are problems - it may not cure it - but it sure makes it easier to live with.
Good Luck!
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SMn ...@verizon.net (Stacey)
Thanks so much for the advice. Its nice to sometimes know you are not alone. I do try as hard as I can to include my daughter in every conversation but it is hard..all the little stuff I guess she does miss out on. I try so hard to understand her and put myself in her shoes. I've been told not to treat her differently and I try not to.
She can be sooo sweet sometimes and so hateful the next minute. I really liked the way you explained her being at school and then coming home...I never thought of it that way. Thanks again for your help. I wish you and your family the very best!
tlsh ...@concentric.net
Put her to bed. It's the gentlest way I can think of to punish without causing other kinds of grief, and resolves the problem of "tiredness." She does need to learn that her voice is heard painfully, maybe some kind of allegory might help. Ask her if she would like to have a strobe light flashing in her face for several minutes at a time and not able to escape it. Then explain that to you and other hearing people, screaming is a similar experience. (If she doesn't know what a strobe light is, get her a Deaf alarm clock with strobe light...she'll need one to wake up to soon anyway.) Hitting is a learned behavior. Are you sure no one's been modeling that on or around her?
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Therese Shellabarger / The Roving Reporter - Civis Mundi tlsh...@concentric.net / http://tlshell.cnc.net/
"T." ne...@nospamhereplease.com
If punishing her does not work try more to involve her in everyday things.
She may be feeling left out.
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