BTDT parents: best baby book?
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Rebecca McGraw rebe...@lemley.net
Open for opinions: The best baby-care book for new parents. ***uming, of course, that you feel that new parents even need a baby-care book, but I'm a book person and my husband is a librarian, so we're probably going to end up with something, in any case.
Anyone have any suggestions? Books you've found helpful, or big fat wastes of time? We're in the States, in case that makes a difference in what title(s) you suggest.
TIA!
-Rebecca 5.5 weeks, more or less, to go!
"Carol Ann" lowcar...@mindspring.com
I like 2 of them. Dr. Sear's Baby Book and the free book you receive when you join the Publix Baby Club (free).
~Carol Ann
"Tori M." jeffnt...@Obliviouslakeland.ws
my only sugestion is that the pages are bound with string rather then just glued in.. my first baby book for Bonnie fell apart before she was born and I have a friend that her baby books are all coming apart... My baby book from when I was born is still all together.. if it was not for the fact that Bonnie has torn pages out of her new book it would be to..;) Tori
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Bonnie 3/20/02 Xavier Hanging in by a rib Due 10/??/04 ...
"Tori M." jeffnt...@Obliviouslakeland.ws
oh duh.. lol my brain is toast.. I read baby book and was thinking the kind you get to write in.. must be because I have not gotten one yet for baby X the wonder rib dweller..
Tori
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Bonnie 3/20/02 Xavier Hanging in by a rib Due 10/??/04 ...
Unadulterated Me froupacco...@ihug.co.nz
I've never really read a baby care book but I hear the sears book in the US is popular.
Andrea
"Carol Ann" lowcar...@mindspring.com
The book I refer to in a previous post is "The Complete and Authoritative Guide Caring for Your Baby and Young Child" Birth to Age 5 Written by the American Academy of Pediatrics.
~Carol Ann
"Jenrose" jenr...@nospamjenrose.com
I like Sears, and Penelope Leach has her moments of brilliance, mostly for babies 6 months and up. I'd avoid anything that starts with "What to Expect" like the plague. I'd also avoid the Ezzo books.
"Happiest Baby on the Block" is absolutely essential for first-time parents of babies under 3 months old. Must have. Must read. The tone is a little flip, but the advice is pure gold.
The Nursing Mother's Companion is excellent.
The biggest problem with advising one book is that parenting styles can differ radically, based on what parents need, kid temperment, etc.
Here's my take: Any book that tells you that you have to "teach" baby something toward a "goal" (such as sleeping through the night, getting on a schedule for feeds, going to sleep without nursing, etc.) is barking up the wrong tree. There is very little in the first year that you have to "teach" your baby--it's mostly about following your instincts, keeping baby feeling secure, safe, loved, and responding promptly to baby so that baby knows that needs will be met.
If you watch your baby for early signs of hunger (such as mouthing a fist or trying to latch onto a blanket) and feed baby before baby cries, then your baby will not learn that she "has to cry" to get fed. This is easier on the nerves, IMO... If you notice when your baby is starting to look away from stimulus, you can shift to non-stimulating activities, and baby won't have to cry to shut the noise out.
Don't expect your baby to follow a predictable routine in the first weeks and months of life, but *do* notice the patterns your baby seems to be developing. If you have a general routine for your own self, baby will tend to develop a routine, too, and if you just pay attention, you'll notice it and start encouraging it and taking advantage of it. If you don't have a particular routine, baby may or may not develop a routine, in which case you'll just learn to "read" your baby for what happens next.
Slings and baby carriers can be a godsend. Babies like to be held. They like to be held a lot. It's good for them--babies who are carried more cry less.
Babies who get a lot of physical contact gain weight well and I think they sleep better. There are a zillion different kinds of carriers--with newborns you want something soft that's easy to get baby in and out of. As a baby grows, needs change. The "Baby Bjorn" that is so ubiquitous is okay for smaller babies, but tends to be outgrown relatively quickly and is hard to nurse in. There are many other cheaper, more versatile, longer-lasting options. See www.thebabywearer.com for an excellent intro.
Feeding: I think that breastfeeding is something that every mother starting out should ***ume that she's going to be doing unless there is a medical reason why it's not advisable. Breastfeeding over the course of babyhood is by far, for me, the easiest option--I've done formula and I've done breastfeeding, and there's no contest for me. The first week, on the other hand, is a learning time, and I recommend that you make sure ahead of time you know who you can call if you're getting frustrated at 3 am when baby's about 5 days old. Doesn't have to be a lactation consultant per se, but *does* have to be someone experienced with breastfeeding and helping other nursing moms. La Leche League is a great resource. Get help early, when problems are minor or you're just not sure--minor problems are easy to fix.
The longer you wait to get help, the harder it is to fix problems. I got help at 7 days, and the quick fix meant I went from blisters and pain to no pain and healing within *hours*. It was almost instant, and I could kick myself for not asking sooner. <g> Sleep: My bias is toward cosleeping because it's what works for me. I know families for whom cosleeping does not work. I find that I can do most parenting "in my sleep" if baby is in bed with me, but that if my goal is to get baby into the crib, I'm either awake all night because I can't hear baby breathing, or I nurse baby and fall asleep and baby never gets back to the crib anyway. Some babies sleep better separate, but I think this is probably not true for the majority. I find that swaddling helps immensely with keeping baby from waking me up every 30 seconds with a wiggle, and trains baby not to kick at night. Do pay attention to your pillows and blankets and sleeping environment... there's lots out there on safe cosleeping. My best friend was very committed to baby sleeping in a b***inet in her room for the first few months, then a crib in another room after. Right up until the baby was born, that is. I think they're still cosleeping, 18 months later. Her husband was adamantly against cosleeping...right up until the baby was born.
Then he didn't want to be away from her that long. There's lots of noise on both sides about which is safer, which is more beneficial, etc. I figure we do the best we can, and for me, crib sleeping a baby does not make sense and I can't function as a parent that way. I know parents who started out planning on cosleeping and discovered that baby slept better in the next room over (with two open doors--they could hear her just fine, she really did sleep better that way) and so did they. You do what works for you and for your child.
During the first six months, if you feed the baby when she's hungry, change her diaper when she's wet, provide a comforting place for her to sleep, carry her when she wants to be carried, talk to her, love her, and keep her safe and secure, there's really not a lot more to it. Don't worry about independence, don't worry about bad habits, etc... my "fed whenever she wanted it," "nursed til age 6" and "slept with me until age 4", etc.
daughter is now 11, has her own room, makes her own breakfast and lunch and even rides two city buses to get to school every day. Hasn't asked to nurse in years...lol! The point is that whatever you do in that first year, those first few years even, it's not permanent. What *is* permanent, or close to it, is the sense of security, love and acceptance a child gets. I think they carry that with them forever. My daughter isn't scarred for life because sometimes I did let her cry a few minutes while I went to the bathroom, nor is she overly dependent because I let her decide when to wean. I rarely made a big deal about sleep, rarely fought battles with her over going to bed or getting to sleep, and she doesn't ***ociate going to sleep with negative stuff.
Anyway--my husband says that his biggest fear is that he'll do something wrong and scar our new baby for life emotionally. I sort of laughed at him (this is his first and my second) and said, "You know, we do the best we can as parents. Then our kids work out the rest of it in therapy when they grow up, just like everyone else." Jenrose
carlyes ...@hotmail.com (Carlye)
I can't suggest a good one, but I can give you one I don't like: "What to Expect the First Year." Now, I have to confess that in spite of it being "the Bible," I did NOT care for "What to Expect When You're Expecting," either. But I find that "the First Year" has lots of inaccurate information as well as a lot of stuff that would make a new mom go into a complete panic and/or call her doctor every five minutes. I haven't found it helpful for anything but hypochondriasis for either me or my daughter.
-Carlye DD Afton born 9-29-04
"Sue" sburke9...@wideopenwest.com
I never read any baby books to be honest with you. I had Dr. Spock's child for basic child care things and tips on colic, etc. When the first baby got a little older, I got a book written by Penelope Leach and I enjoyed her book as well. It was more of a developmental book on children. When my kids were babies, Dr. Brazelton had a show on TV that I watched. Mostly though, I used my instincts and let the baby lead me on what needed to be done. I don't prescribe to any one parenting method, as different things are needed at different times. Good luck, don't let everything you read on babies scare you into thinking that your baby is not normal if they don't do what the book says. Babies haven't read the books and they live by their own rules.
You just need to be in tune to your baby and she/he will guide you. :o)
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Sue (mom to three girls)
"Sophie" Sop...@fakeaddress.com
I had What to Expect the First Year. I got as far as month 4 with baby #1 and never opened it again.
I think this newsgroups, parenting forums, friends, and family are better sources of info and advice personally.
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Sophie mom of 4
"Marie" nos...@net.org
I am a research addict and prefer to check out and read various sources on the same topic, but if I had to choose, the books would be Dr. Sears' Baby Book and Happiest Baby on the Block.
A word of advice: Don't take any books or info, personally. For example, some people here don't like Dr. Sears and feel threatened by him. I just take what I need from his book or any other book/article and apply to us, according to our preferences or situation at the time.
Good luck!
Marie Mom to 8-month-old DD
Sarah Vaughan Nanny...@samael.demon.co.uk
As someone still in the mum-to-be group (which means I may well feel totally different once the baby's born) I find that the advantages of baby books are that they've given me a lot of ideas about _possible_ things to try. But I think that if I was approaching it from a POV of 'What is the best baby book?' I would, by now, be horribly confused by the number of different approaches out there, and I'd be wondering how I'd ever figure out what the 'right' thing to do was. What I'm doing is approaching it from a POV of 'What are the possible options I've got that might work for me, my husband and my baby, in our situation?' So, I now have various ideas as to what I want to do, but also a willingness to go with the flow if these turn out not to fit with what baby wants to do.
What I'm trying to say is that I, personally, feel the 'figure it out as you go along' approach is probably going to be easier for me as a result of me already having various blueprints & ideas of things that have previously worked for at least some kids. This isn't to say that it would be this way for everybody, but I think it is for me. So your best bet, as other people have suggested, might be to search out a lot of different books with different approaches (this is where your library is helpful), but not to feel you have to take *any* of them too seriously.
Take what you like the look of, and keep the rest in the back of your mind in case your baby doesn't like the same baby books as you. ;-) And this one I definitely agree with - I think I've learned more from reading these groups than from any book.
All the best, Sarah
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"I once requested an urgent admission for a homeopath who had become depressed and taken a m***ive underdose" - Phil Peverley
Rebecca McGraw rebe...@lemley.net
A lot of what you way goes along with a book that DH the Librarian has been reading, called "Our Babies Ourselves" which he is quite taken with and is described as a pedioanthropological book. I haven't read it yet but hope to have time after he gets done with it before it has to go back. My mom gave me a copy of Dr. Spock, which said "revised and updated for the eighties" on the cover....out it went! I think she picked it up at a yard sale somewhere, which was sweet of her, but I've told her before I really don't want 20 year old medical and childrearing advise at present. I knew it was going the second I got to the bit about putting babies face-down to sleep.
I think I'm going to have DH bring the Dr. Sears book Carol Ann recommended through ILL so I can check it out before buying it. Also I'm saving your post (and other people's posts, as well).
-Rebecca not long now!
>lots of really good stuff
Rebecca McGraw rebe...@lemley.net
That's helpful to hear! Thanks!
FWIW, I hated WTHEWYE also. Got rid of it pretty fast. I can't imagine the post-birth book would be any better than the pre-birth book.
Ericka Kammerer e...@comcast.net
Usually, I'm into all sorts of books. I have tons of books about just about everything, including pregnancy and childbirth.
For whatever reason, I have almost no baby-care books. Never had the urge to have one, and never needed one. I really think it's best to listen to your inner voice, and turn to books when/if you have a specific issue that has you stumped. I do have one of Penelope Leach's books, which I liked. It can be handy to have something that has a basic medical reference (e.g., something you can look at to see if maybe you want to call the doctor).
Penelope Leach's book had a section on that which I consulted a time or two.
Best wishes, Ericka
melbgal1 melbg...@yahoo.com
"What to Expect in the First Year"
melbgal1 melbg...@yahoo.com
In article <1098573836.n4EI3vNdihQtS98Dxjeuzg@teranews>, Jenrose says...
I like them for quick reference ( I don't need hand-holding step-by-step stuff ). I'd recommend them.
melbgal1 melbg...@yahoo.com
Then again, if your level-headed and instinctive like me, this book makes a nice easy-to-refence guide.
HTH.
cj ...@yahoo.com
Dear gawd, you mean DS could be an even *worse* sleeper if I hadn't had him in a sling from the day he left the NICU?? :-)
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C, mama to two year old nursling
Rebecca McGraw rebe...@lemley.net
I got that wrong, the book is about ethnopediatrics. Not quite the same thing, when I went back and looked it up. I got about 25 pages into it last night while DH watched the Cardinals lose some more.
a book that DH the Librarian has
"Beach mum" meliss...@verizon.net
I may cause a storm here but I wouldn't recommend Dr. Sears' book. I truly believe that his advice is what caused E to be a not-so-good sleeper. We've loved Happy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth and "So That's What They're For" for breastfeeding. HTH
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Melissa (in Los Angeles) Mum to Elizabeth 4/13/03 and ??? due early 3/05 ...
"Beach mum" meliss...@verizon.net
...and E would scream if you put her in anything even resembling a sling or a carrier. Of course, E spent much of her first six months screaming, it just got louder when she wasn't being held in someone's arms.
One other thing, most books aren't so good if your baby is colicky. They don't talk much about it and don't let you know that it isn't anything you're doing and there's not much you can do about it. It took us six weeks to realize that her crying wasn't because her needs weren't being fulfilled it was just that she cried a lot. (BTW, she's great now.)
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Melissa (in Los Angeles) Mum to Elizabeth 4/13/03 and ??? due early 3/05
carlyes ...@hotmail.com (Carlye)
Well, I -certainly- didn't mean I am not level-headed or instinctive... But, for instance, this book says to "call your healthcare provider" in a lot of situations in which it's not necessary by anyone's measures. It seems to be that level-headed and instinctive or not, there are better guides out there.
-Carlye
penny ...@aol.com (Leslie)
I think the best thing to do is have a lot of different books available so you can consult them all and then follow your own instincts. For breastfeeding I usually consult Nursing Your Baby by Karen Pryor (the 1970s dition) or just ask on mkb. For medical things, I have a home medical encyclopedia, Adelle Davis's Let's Have Healthy Children, the most recent edition of Dr. Spock, and How to Have a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor. For discipline, I like Dr.
Sears, Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott, and Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Colorosa.
Leslie Emily (2/4/91) Jake (1/27/94) Teddy (2/15/95) William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.) and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04 "Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home." ~ William Wordsworth
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