Child Rearing and Empathy
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"Parse Tree" acco...@domain.extension
Rhy made a comment about teaching children empathy, and I'd just like to add some of my own thoughts.
It is my opinion that this is the only sensible way of having them deal with morality. In fact, it's useful for all of those really awkward situations you see in a store, with a parent who can't handle his or her or its children. I'm sure you've all seen them. It's the child who's also trying to touch and pick up merchandise. Or the one that uses their outdoor voice to talk, and babbles endlessly about wanting this or that. See, in situations like that there are problems with just saying 'no'. When you say no, you don't give any justification. Whereas if you give some understanding about the situation, they can understand how it is inherently bad. If you tell them why playing with the merchandise is unwise, then it will certainly reduce the amount of lecturing. I mean, otherwise you'll have to keep saying, "don't touch that", which is just as annoying as what the child may be doing (someone should be parenting these parents).
And there's also some sense in taking children to some places. I mean, if they're very young and have poor motor skills, then taking them into a store with valuable or fragile goods is pretty stupid.
I guess that's it.
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
Good for you, luv! That's a peeve of mine as well -- parents who are more like parrots. "No. No. No. No. No." Doesn't work. A _brief_ explanation helps, *but* you also do not owe a kid every single why and wherefore as to a decision you've made. That tends to come up in the later years, I've found. =p And it doesn't necessarily have to completely honest, either. "Don't touch the candy on the shelf or the cashier will come over and cut off one of your fingers." Heh. OK, maybe some kids won't believe that, but an outrageous and unlikely threat seems to work better than more realistic ones. I don't know why; I mean I knew my mom wasn't really gonna chop off our heads, but I also knew she meant what she said about the "stop wrestling in the living room" part of it, too. IOW, if she was threatening to chop off our heads, it meant she'd pretty much had it with us.
Well, somewhat. Restaurants -- if they don't cater to screamin' kids, then hire the babysitter, or don't go there 'til the kid is OK with sitting still for an hour [some manage this earlier than others]. It would be foolish to set down a barely walking tot in an antiques store. However, Parselets, my primary concern would be less for the value of merchandise, than my wee one's safety.
OK.
j11 j4hdot...@earthlink.net
Hehehe...unfortunately, the girl-child has finally realized that the cashier is not going to chop off her fingers or that I am going to send her to a Swiss boarding school. Too bad, that.
I think what works best is not tossing out empty threats. If I say "If you do that one more time, we're leaving" then by golly, I better be prepared to leave me shopping cart in the aisle and LEAVE if she does. I see too many parents do the "we're not going for ice cream if you don't stop that" and then fold because the kid starts to cry...grrrrrr.
I have to give the girl-child credit, she does NOT throw public tantrums.
Managed to get that through her skull at an early age.
Some parents are just plain stupid. I go purely insane at the sight of small kids in bars. What the hell? Or out ANYWHERE at 11PM. What the crap are you people thinking? Or the woman who told me her 4-year olds favorite show was "ER." WHAT??!! Do NOT get me started....
j11
"Nightshade & Flat" hecate100@a...@voodoobitch.com
I'd like to see you handle the firstborn, hehehehe. I explain things constantly, but it's reminiscent of the "What dogs hear" Far Side cartoon --
blah blah blah [name] blah blah no blah blah, etc. He's ADHD, and has the attention span of a dazed gnat. Besides, kids know they're not going to get a slap on the hand or bum in public, and take aggressive advantage of that.
I've found the most effective way to ensure good behavior is either to threaten a trip to the bathroom (it's only actually been carried out once, but he still remembers) or give the kid something to amuse him which does not get bought if he starts acting up. If all else fails, we leave the store/restaurant. Thank God/dess the baby is far more cooperative.
I've also found that a sharp word from Flat is more effective than dozens from me when it comes to stopping the firstborn's misbehavior. It's helpful, too, to have them fed before going anywhere, as then you don't have to deal with crankiness caused by hunger.
Agreed. I haven't been to an antique store in years, alas. Though as CIB mentioned, it's more for concern of the children than store merchandise.
It'll be fun hearing from you when you have kids of your own. ;^) Love & Laughter, Nightshade
parset ...@hotmail.com (Parse Tree)
Well of course. Otherwise they just keep asking why, until you get to the meaning of life, or whatnot.
Yes, that's true. And it shows the value of lies. I think it's a very useful real life skill. It can also work as 'shock', in that it will warn them away immediately. I find that as it's occuring it's generally not the best time to explain all of the principles of retail and customer etiquette.
I think it happens most often at RadioShack. Whenever I go there, there's always a parent with an uncontrollable (by them) kid.
Thankfully there are only a few dangerous things in the store, and the kids seem to know what they are (ie the large things that may happen to be plugged in, too).
"Jani" j...@blueyonder.co.uk
When mine were tiny enough to still be in the baby-sling, they went everywhere - small ones sleep and feed, and that's it, they're not going to see much of what's happening around them. Warm and fed and not in a smoky atmosphere, no problem - and they're not interested in whether it's 11 am or 11 pm :) Once they were old enough to be aware, though, I started the divide between kid stuff and adult stuff - some TV programmes you don't watch, there is kid time and adult time, knock on doors before you barrel in there, and so on.
Doesn't mean they don't get information though .. to my mind, there's a big difference between explaining to kids how bodies work, and letting them find out the Hollywood version from TV. I've hauled the muppets into the room to watch a calf being born on re-runs of All Creatures, but would tactfully and hastily chivvy them out again away from some of the gory melodramatic births on ER.
Jani
Jules lythiu...@attbi.com
Interesting stuff, Mud.
I haven't chosen to rear any kids yet...but my mom did a rather bang up job, IMO. ;) She never just said no. She'd say no, but give me reasons for it. And, at times, she'd allow me (as a little one) to argue my case with her. I rarely one, but occasionally did. She also made an effort to let me make small decisions in my life, which is really all a kid wants. She might let me pick out my top, but then she'd pick out the skirt (thankfully, this stopped in my mid-20's. Ahem.) The other thing I liked about what she did...she never lectured me on manners or etiquette. Instead, I learned from her example. So I'm the one on the bus giving up my seat, saying please and thank you and using the right fork at dinner.
jules
"Parse Tree" acco...@domain.extension
That was a pretty good show. Not often you see something about veterinarian medicine.
Is the author Wodehouse, or am I thinking of something else?
"Parse Tree" acco...@domain.extension
You just work your way in! I don't know why so many people have so much difficulty with that.
"Jani" j...@blueyonder.co.uk
James Herriot. The books are pretty good, too.
Jani
"Parse Tree" acco...@domain.extension
Oh yeah! That's right. I believe they're on the bookcase. I'd read them, but I am getting pretty lazy when it comes to that, recently.
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
Yes! Following through on real promises of consequences is SO important.
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"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
One of my all time favorite shows as well as book seires.
The author's James Herriot himself.
"THE Talesin" the_witch...@XyahooX.com
Suzy? Talking about child rearing? The high school drop out who allowed her kids to be brought up in a anbusive home and does not even know where the oldest one is most of the time because she is out "gallivanting"?
I guess next week Hitler will stop by to discuss tolerance and importance of cultural diversity.
--
Talesin- The Bad Boy of Witchcraft (tm) "It takes a Witch to suffer ignorance and smile."" http://home.kc.rr.com/pendragonsloft Get your daily Dragon: http://www.pendragonsloft.blogspot.com/ ?© 2003 by Talesin- The Bad Boy of Witchcraft. All rights reserved
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
Whoops! So much for all that puffed - up transparently fake sefl control you claimed to have, ignoring me and whatever other shit fell out of your ***mouth. Sad, even if one discounts your failure to ignore me within a day after your claim.
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"Jani" j...@blueyonder.co.uk
All he "ignores", since he can't cope with the fact that they're insightful and accurate, are the very pertinent comments you've made about child-rearing.
Jani "THE Cast Iron Bitch" <pish...@ecpi.com> wrote in message ...
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
He's got serious readin' comp. issues. He took a post by Lilly where she said she'd like to beat up some of the folks she had to deal with in the animal shelters, and managed to construe it as her admitting to beating on Cal! 9_9 ...
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
No offense, but you're not getting the point.
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de_val ...@mailandnews.com (de Valois)
I had heard he was your best pupil, Bobbletits.
"THE Cast Iron Bitch" pish...@ecpi.com
Ohhhhhhhh, I see again.
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