secret room found in day care part 2
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kmquinn2 ...@cs.com (Kmquinn2000)
Again, how can people be so stupid? http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/3379280.htm
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
The mother of the 9 year old just didn't listen to her son.
<sigh> ~Nan~
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
It is unfortunately common to ***ume that children who don't want to go to school or daycare are just *complaining* because they are kids. Parents really need to listen carefully, to ask open ended questions and to accept children's feelings even when they don't like the answers they are getting because it is inconvenient or might cause them trouble in terms of work or finances.
Most parents take the time to talk to their children. But when your children talk to you, are you really listening? Listening is especially important when you're discussing sexuality. When children ask a question, ask what they already know about the topic, or ask what prompted the question. Then pay attention to their answers and respond to what they say so they know you were really listening.
Clarify any misinformation, and then state your values. If a child comes to you with a problem, even one that seems trivial, take it seriously: Your 8-year-old's crush on a boy in her cl*** may seem silly to you, but it's important to her. If you take her concerns seriously now, she's more likely to talk with you when she becomes a teenager.
I just found this website and I like a lot of what it says http://www.um***.edu/fsap/articles/listening.html :LISTENING TO OUR CHILDREN : :Remember the old adage "Children are to be seen not heard." :Many adults were raised by this principle and find it difficult to :adapt to today's new attitude that it is considered helpful to your :child's development for them to "be heard." : :Many parents feel that it is their task to "civilize" their offspring.
:Hence they are often evaluating, judging, criticizing, moralizing, :admonishing and commanding. Although they are well :intentioned in their efforts, they manage to cut off two-way :communication between themselves and their children. Listening :to your child is critically important to establishing clear open :communication.
: :Many adults have taken seminars on "active listening" in the :workplace to improve their communication skills with their :coworkers. Active listening is every bit as important with our :children. This kind of listening does not imply permissiveness, :rather real love, a desire to hear what your child has to say, :an intent to be helpful and a genuine ability to accept your :child's feelings.
: Practice Active Listening with your child Active listening builds self-esteem.
Look at your child, ask questions, and paraphrase statements.
Remember to look with your eyes. Pay attention to feelings, posture, and your tone of voice.
If necessary, help a young child find words to describe his/her feelings.
Don't distract yourself with details. Just listen for the point of the story and give feedback to the point.
Don't try to fix things. Children usually want to share an experience, not hear a solution. Learning to solve their own problems builds self-esteem, too.
:If you , as a parent can listen and respond with appropriate :verbal and nonverbal feedback, communicating a nonjudgmental :acceptance, a stronger bond will develop between you and your :child.. You will see your child less troubled by difficult feelings.
:Your child will learn by your example and be more willing to listen :to your thoughts and ideas. He/she will feel more confident and :able to think through problem solving situations.
: :Children need parents to model appropriate ways of relating to :others. Listening to your child will help them develop good :interactive skills with their peers. They may be more genuinely :concerned about the thoughts and feelings of other children, be :able to listen to their friends and be more considerate and polite :with others.
: :The greatest gift you can give your child is your "quality time"-
:time in which you will have the opportunity to hear your child's :thoughts and feelings. Intimacy, touching and communicating :all take time. You can establish special times with your children, :for example, at bed time, by going out for a special lunch or :dinner at a restaurant the child has chosen, or taking your child :to a museum or park.
: :Parents are their child's first and most important teacher. Your :reinforcement for positive interaction and gentle consistent :corrections when needed, will help your child develop a strong :sense of self that will help carry him/her more comfortably forward :into adulthood.
: Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
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TXSherry sherry_a...@go.com
toto (on Sat, 01 Jun 2002 19:03:07 -0500)>> <snip of incredibly useful info> Mornings as a child, the youngest in the family.
Dad would wake me up singing the army song. My brother was already at college and my sister doing her own morning thing. I'd stumble to the kitchen (*never* been good at waking up! LOL) where he'd have cereal ready for me. The months of Nov-Feb was extra early because I'd have to take care of my 4-h projects by 7am (and bathe) so I was up by 5. We'd sit there, he'd listen to his radio, and smoke (Yea, I know, it was a different time and age.) and I'd eat and slowly wake up. His programs were always talk radio, and I'd ask questions about the world and politics and well, whatever. And he listened and answered. And if the conversation got deep/serious/ whatever he'd turn the radio down and we'd go serious with it. Mostly though it was the kind of chatting kiddos do. "Which side is the atlantic on? I forget" stuff like that.
VERY special memories. This, with some modification, was routine until I graduated. Until I got a driver's license, my big talks with mom were in the car. I was involved in *everything* and we lived in the country, which meant she chaufferred me. Also, in the garden.
And then trips, with a travel trailer, we took long trips. And w/ no TV there was plenty of talk time.
I miss my Dad. I think I'll write him a Father's day tribute.
Thanks for the info, Dorothy!
--
Sherry www.TexasDoves.com TXSherry ** altmothers ** org
paisl ...@optusnet.com.au (Marcelle)
You are so right about listening and giving them time to get to a difficult subject. Some people think I'm mad to walk everywhere - but it is amazing what you can learn from your child in a 1/2 walk home from school, where there are no other distractions.
Marc
"Kats" NewsK...@yahooNOSPAM.com
ICAM. Before we moved from MD to AZ in June 2000, I had been driving my kids to and from a private school, a commute of 20-40 minutes each way, sometimes more. We listened to the radio sometimes, but talked most of the time (and if we listened to the radio, we usually talked about it). I didn't realize just how precious that time was until we moved, and now live walking or biking distance from school. They're no longer a captive audience for that hour or more each day, and I'm finding it much, MUCH harder to get the same kinds of conversations going that came so easily before.
Kats
"Kanga Mom" kangamaroodoesntreadmailh...@yahoo.com
I've found that my children open up a lot more when we're doing something together- weeding the garden, peeling potatoes, making a salad, scrubbing the floor on hands and knees (I used to do this with my eldest just for the conversations we had)- anything that doesn't require a whole lot of attention.
Something about working on something else while talking really just seems to help them rleeax and open up more- maybe because it's easy to focus on the snap beans if you start to feel uncomfortable, and any silences are just part of the work.
OTOH, we get very little conversation in our vehicle- it's a 20 y.o. 12 p***enger van, and it's hard to shout over the noise of the engine and be heard three rows back.;-) Kanga
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
Ah, that's very nice. I hope you will post it here.
Glad you found it helpful Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
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toto scarec...@wicked.witch
Oh, yes. That is a wonderful idea. I wish more people would untime themselves and take the time to really spend time and listen to what their children want to share with them. Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
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toto scarec...@wicked.witch
I can imagine that it is hard. Have you any thoughts on how to manage?
Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
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"Helen" he...@optushome.com.au
Oh My God, what a shocking story..those poor kids..Makes me think that child care centres should be government ran, surely they are all regulated???
Don't the carers have to have a certificate? Don't they have police record checks( ie: any past criminal offences that would deem them unsuitable to work with kids) Can any Jo Bloe work in child care?
Over here in Australia all registered child care providers must undergo a criminal records check and are carefully scrutinised...
...
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
I don't know too much about regulations, but I don't think I'd want daycares to be govt. run, either.
Certificate: No. Anyone willing to work for sub-minimum wages can get a job in a daycare. I'm sure the *Director* needs to have a certificate or license of some sort, but not the employees.
I don't know about police checks, either.
~Nan~
"Holly" godd...@ia.net
I ***ume all facilitys have to have criminal records checks. But i know in private daycare, at least here in Iowa you can watch kids in your home and not be required to report to anyone...unless you have more then 6 kids in your home. Also, just because they are criminal record free doesn't make them a qualified provider. That is what is scary!!
"Kanga Mom" kangamaroodoesntreadmailh...@yahoo.com
Every state I've ever lived in required background checks to work at a licensed daycare center (which this one was). Problem with that is it only works on the criminals that have been caught before.
If a child molester has never been caught yet, a background check won't discover any difference between him and you.
Kanga
enigma eni...@empire.net
i certainly wouldn't! (but y'all know how i feel about the gub'mint & kids by now anyway<g>) that's one of those state level things. in NH you need a state certificate for x numbers of kids (x depending on age & if they're related to each other, i think) there are no required background checks for daycare employees, or teachers for that matter. so, yeah, any Joe Blow can work in daycare... and as a substitute teacher. apparently they don't need teaching certificates or degrees to sub. *i* could go be a sub teacher & i never bothered to graduate from college. scary huh? all they want are warm bodies. any knowledge is a bonus. not being a pervert is more of a bonus.
lrr
--
The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. -Plato, philosopher (427-347 BCE)
"otterb0t" t...@tsthewayuhhuh.com
ours aren't govt run, but in order to get their funding they need to be accredited & the accreditation requirements are set by the govt.
if you aren't accredited you don't get any funding (but are still subject to other requirements) - yet strangely, there are people who are still willing to pay full whack to have their child in an unaccredited day care. i find that extremely weird on a number of levels.
kylie
"otterb0t" t...@tsthewayuhhuh.com
well, yes probably in some (a lot of?) areas. but when i was looking for a preschool for noah lo these many years ago, i phoned one place (who told me they weren't accredited, *and* had no places at that time) & the next place i phoned was the place he went to, which was (& still is) accredited to the roof beams but had a place for him. the first was in dulwich hill & the second was in stanmore - they're only a couple of km apart - not like in a small town where there's a finite number of places & if they're full, they're full. kwim?
i'm not saying that an unaccredited place *might* not be as good - some places probably just don't want the h***le & paperwork (etc) of accreditation, dealing with centrelink about the govt funded percentage, etc etc but may still be a really great daycare - but even if purely from an economic point of view it doesn't make a lot of sense to me, plus the accreditation is a real ***urance in terms of knowing the care, premises, etc is monitored & evaluated every year.
no it's not, it's run by lovely mummies!! (i say that on the ***umption that nan meant, *literally* run by govt employees).
kylie
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
I don't know. I don't think accredited day cares (at least in the US) would be that much better, other than the fact they receive the $$. And they're essentially told how to use the $$ they do receive. I'm tired of the gov't having it's hand in every little aspect of our lives.
~Nan~
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
Hehe, I kind of figured you'd respond in the same vein ;-) I haven't used a daycare since my son was 5, so I'm sure things are vastly different now wrt regulations, etc. I know even home care providers need to have a license (at least in this area).
~Nan~
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
No, not literally :-) ~Nan~
"otterb0t" t...@tsthewayuhhuh.com
that would, indeed, be a scary thought.
kylie
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
Ack. Imagine a daycare run by John Ashcroft types?!?
~Nan~
"otterb0t" t...@tsthewayuhhuh.com
if i was there, i'd feel that way too, believe me. but i have to point out that until fairly recently we've had reasonable govts that didn't interfere in negative ways or have their hand in every aspect of our lives. (as it is the current crop of lunatic pro-police-state madmen have been far too busy interfering with other situations than to be getting their grubby mitts into the childcare industry.) what they do, & why most of us here feel it's a good thing, is to have trained people that evaluate & monitor the daycares in terms of safety, positive child-carer interaction, & that sort of stuff. they don't interfere with the programs or day-to-day running of the daycares although they would if the programs were unsatisfactory or inappropriate.
i'm finding it hard to explain what i mean, although i'm pretty sure i understand what you mean (& quite possibly you know what i mean anyway!!) accrediting daycares isn't an interference, it's a way of ensuring the daycares are good & stay good. just the same as there are standards for primary & high schools to ensure they're well-run, that the programs are appropriate, etc. it's nice to know that someone who could do something about it is there if anything goes wrong. like in the o.p. - if the premises had been inspected in the first place, this whole secret room thing couldn't have happened.
kylie
"Nan" cherrybeam...@usa.net
Yes, I understand what you're saying :-) Sometimes I feel like (and perhaps wrongly), that our govt just doesn't prioritize on the side of children.
~Nan~
toto scarec...@wicked.witch
Accredited daycares *are* better and they do not receive more money.
Daycare centers in most states have to be licensed by the state.
That also does *NOT* mean they get money from the state unless they are caring for children who are funded by the government and that depends on the family income, not on the center at all.
These are the state standards. If you care for fewer children in a home setting, licensing may not be required, but if you care for more than 3 unrelated kids, most states do require inspections and some standard. http://www.daycare.com/states.html Accreditation is done by private organizations. The one I know about is NAEYC and their standards are better than the highest state standards. There are also religious organizations that accredit daycare - there is a Roman Catholic and a Jewish organization for accreditation that centers of those faiths often use either with or without NAEYC accreditation.
http://www.naeyc.org/accreditation/center_search.asp What NAEYC looks for when it inspects centers http://www.naeyc.org/accreditation/naeyc_accred/info_general-componen... Dorothy Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
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